We gonna saddle up and ride her out, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Mmmmm
On July 4th Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest will be on ESPN in Hi Def . And who doesn’t want to see in detail a bunch of lard-asses shoving greasy wieners and water-soaked buns into their big fat, hairy mouths? It’s as appealing as watching a Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold sex video.
A-Rod in Midge
Rumor has it that 49-year-old Madonna is getting divorced and is having an affair with married 32-year-old Yankee Slugger, Alex Rodriguez. Madonna better have fun now because, as everyone knows, when it turns to Fall, A-Rod cannot produce.
It may be true, today A-Rod tested positive for over-publicized bad acting.
Say it ain’t so, S-Buckizzle
Starbucks is closing 600 stores. You could tell they had over-expanded when they accidentally opened a Starbucks inside another Starbucks.
This is going to be very inconvenient to a lot of people, they may actually have to walk across the street to the other Starbucks.
Gosh, I hope they don’t close the Starbucks that just opened in my kitchen.
Starbucks is closing 600 stores. Man, Starbucks are closing, no hand-held cell phones when driving, Hummers are prohibitively expensive gas-guzzlers, it is a bad time to be an a-hole.
“Funeral for a Friend”
Funeral parlors are reporting traditional organ music is being replaced by rock classics like Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” Bob Dylan’s “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” and Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind.” Some of the less requested rock songs at funerals? James Brown’s “I Feel Good” Sly and the Family Stone’s “Thank You” and the Pointer Sisters “I’m So Excited.”
A thankful nation sighs out loud
Gas prices are out the roof, the real estate market is in the tank, unemployment is up and the war in a Iraq is an ongoing mess. But the good news? None of this will have any effect whatsoever on the birth of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s twins. So everything is OK. Whew. What a relief.
Sounds Familiar
Gas prices are out the roof, the real estate market is in the tank, unemployment is up and the Middle East is an ongoing mess. We better hope our Olympic hockey team beats the Soviets at Lake Placid.
Free fireworks
If you don’t have plans for the Fourth of July, just find one of those jerks in Hollywood who is furious he can no longer talk on his hand held cell phone while driving his gas-guzzling Hummer and tell him that his Starbucks is closing. And then stand back and watch the fire works.
Since you asked:
So I was flipping through the channels and landed on “Field of Dreams” during Kevin Costner week, and it suddenly dawned on me. Am I the last dumb guy to figure out that his character’s name, Ray Kinsella, sounds like reconcile?
Turns out the book’s author was W.P. Kinsella. Oops. Heh, heh. Ahem.
I’m not saying Tiger Woods isn’t the greatest golfer of all time. With all due respect to Jack Nicklaus, he is.
All I’m saying is that I am not going to cry myself to sleep during his absence. Now I know I have said that a PGA tournament without Tiger is like hoping for “Caddy Shack” but getting “Caddy Shack 2”. But that was when Tiger was choosing not to play. Now with the surgery he is really out. As Tiger likes to say, it is what it is and what it is is that Tiger can’t win with a surgically recovering leg.
But I am also not going to miss Tiger’s “Can’t you see I am trying to save the world here?” glare. And I would like to think, no, I know that if I knew I was live on TV with kids watching, I wouldn’t swear like a sailor who got his putter caught in his zipper every time I missed a shot by two yards.
Tiger is nothing if not a master at studying his own image and spinning his own legacy. It would be wrong to say that Tiger may have exaggerated the extent of his injuries, but we will never really know unless we see the X-Rays, will we? Playing with two broken bones and a torn ligament? Who would do that and knowingly risk their playing career?
But if Tiger pulls a “miraculous” early comeback, I am going to say I smell a P.R. spinning rat.
Mmmmm
On July 4th Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest will be on ESPN in Hi Def . And who doesn’t want to see in detail a bunch of lard-asses shoving greasy wieners and water-soaked buns into their big fat, hairy mouths? It’s as appealing as watching a Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold sex video.
A-Rod in Midge
Rumor has it that 49-year-old Madonna is getting divorced and is having an affair with married 32-year-old Yankee Slugger, Alex Rodriguez. Madonna better have fun now because, as everyone knows, when it turns to Fall, A-Rod cannot produce.
It may be true, today A-Rod tested positive for over-publicized bad acting.
Say it ain’t so, S-Buckizzle
Starbucks is closing 600 stores. You could tell they had over-expanded when they accidentally opened a Starbucks inside another Starbucks.
This is going to be very inconvenient to a lot of people, they may actually have to walk across the street to the other Starbucks.
Gosh, I hope they don’t close the Starbucks that just opened in my kitchen.
Starbucks is closing 600 stores. Man, Starbucks are closing, no hand-held cell phones when driving, Hummers are prohibitively expensive gas-guzzlers, it is a bad time to be an a-hole.
“Funeral for a Friend”
Funeral parlors are reporting traditional organ music is being replaced by rock classics like Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” Bob Dylan’s “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” and Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind.” Some of the less requested rock songs at funerals? James Brown’s “I Feel Good” Sly and the Family Stone’s “Thank You” and the Pointer Sisters “I’m So Excited.”
A thankful nation sighs out loud
Gas prices are out the roof, the real estate market is in the tank, unemployment is up and the war in a Iraq is an ongoing mess. But the good news? None of this will have any effect whatsoever on the birth of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s twins. So everything is OK. Whew. What a relief.
Sounds Familiar
Gas prices are out the roof, the real estate market is in the tank, unemployment is up and the Middle East is an ongoing mess. We better hope our Olympic hockey team beats the Soviets at Lake Placid.
Free fireworks
If you don’t have plans for the Fourth of July, just find one of those jerks in Hollywood who is furious he can no longer talk on his hand held cell phone while driving his gas-guzzling Hummer and tell him that his Starbucks is closing. And then stand back and watch the fire works.
Since you asked:
So I was flipping through the channels and landed on “Field of Dreams” during Kevin Costner week, and it suddenly dawned on me. Am I the last dumb guy to figure out that his character’s name, Ray Kinsella, sounds like reconcile?
Turns out the book’s author was W.P. Kinsella. Oops. Heh, heh. Ahem.
I’m not saying Tiger Woods isn’t the greatest golfer of all time. With all due respect to Jack Nicklaus, he is.
All I’m saying is that I am not going to cry myself to sleep during his absence. Now I know I have said that a PGA tournament without Tiger is like hoping for “Caddy Shack” but getting “Caddy Shack 2”. But that was when Tiger was choosing not to play. Now with the surgery he is really out. As Tiger likes to say, it is what it is and what it is is that Tiger can’t win with a surgically recovering leg.
But I am also not going to miss Tiger’s “Can’t you see I am trying to save the world here?” glare. And I would like to think, no, I know that if I knew I was live on TV with kids watching, I wouldn’t swear like a sailor who got his putter caught in his zipper every time I missed a shot by two yards.
Tiger is nothing if not a master at studying his own image and spinning his own legacy. It would be wrong to say that Tiger may have exaggerated the extent of his injuries, but we will never really know unless we see the X-Rays, will we? Playing with two broken bones and a torn ligament? Who would do that and knowingly risk their playing career?
But if Tiger pulls a “miraculous” early comeback, I am going to say I smell a P.R. spinning rat.
posted by Alex at
11:58 AM
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