Square up, paddle hard, step forward and step on that Lexcelerator, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Rap, the C is silent
In New York, singing a rap song, Shaquille O’Neal blamed Kobe Bryant for his divorce and invited Kobe to, um, partake of Shaq’s hind end. Even Don Imus didn’t like it, he gave Shaq’s rap song only one out of four burning crosses.

Light weight
In London, Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to assaulting two police officers; seriously, how bad can it be to be assaulted by a super model? It’s like having a cardboard cut-out fall on you.

Really? They were attacked by a super model? Didn’t they have a toothpick handy to fight her off?

Count that one out
In a radio interview, Terry Bradshaw admitted he used steroids during the ‘70’s. The 70’s were a time of drug use, in fact, the only drug we know Bradshaw didn’t use? Rogaine.

Hate to hear that
In New York, Shaquille O’Neal, used racial remarks and obscenities in a derogatory rap song about Kobe Bryant and, as a result, lost his honorary Arizona deputy police badge. Too bad, Shaq was one of the best world famous seven-foot millionaire undercover agents they ever had.

No kidding
You know who is upset over the Don Imus remarks about “Pacman” Jones? “Pacman’ Jones. Yeah, apparently when he heard the comments, “Pacman” got so upset he dropped his gun and it went off nearly hitting two strippers.

Gorgeous
It was a beautiful day in New York. It was so nice Don Imus hung his KKK sheets out on a line.

Wait, he changed his mind
Shaquille O’Neal, used racial remarks and obscenities in a derogatory rap song about Kobe Bryant. Don Imus loved it, he gave it three white hoods out of four.

Phew
Hillary Clinton made her return to the Senate. It wasn’t easy, she had to dodge sniper fire on the way in.

Hillary Clinton returned to her senate seat in Washington. There were cheers, tears congratulatory hugs. And that was just with Bill at their house in Schenectady New York.