We gonna jack that ‘tater and go yard out the ball park, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
Queen Elisabeth II’s granddaughter, Zara Phillips, qualified for the Beijing Olympics as an Equestrian. It was a little awkward, when he heard Queen Elisabeth’s granddaughter was an Equestrian, President Bush said; “Hey, Cheney’s daughter is one too. Nothing wrong with it.”
Kinda rough
Did everyone have a good mother’s day? It was a rough day for me. I read in Barbara Walter’s book “Audition” that Barbara was my real mother and she put me up for adoption.
Not nice
You know what is the best Mother’s Day present? Something homemade. The worst Mother’s Day Present? A card that says “Happy Mother’s Day, you owe me $40 for the gas to get here.”
Or something like that
A former crony of OJ Simpson has written a book that claims a stoned OJ confessed to the murders. I think the title of the book is; “Duh, We Already Know He Did It, Dumb-ass.”
Gosh, this won’t be too much of a problem
HBO’s NFL training camp show “Hard Knocks” will film the Dallas Cowboys in Oxnard, California; gosh, Terrell Owens with 24-hour-a-day access to unlimited camera time. What could possibly go wrong there?
Off key
Dallas Cowboy QB Tony Romo sang “Take me Out to the Ballgame” at the Chicago Cubs-Arizona Diamondback game. To give you an idea how bad Romo’s singing was, Simon Cowell was spinning in the coffin he sleeps in during the day.
No problem
First daughter Jenna Bush got married outdoors at the Bush Crawford Texas ranch Saturday. Now I know what you’re thinking, an outside wedding in Texas can be ruined by birds, right? Wrong, Dick Cheney shot them all.
Not easy
The Reverend Al Sharpton Jr. owes the IRS over a million-and-a-half dollars in back taxes; the challenging part for Al will be trying to prove that Uncle Sam is a racist.
Not a good sign
It is getting pathetically sad at the Hillary Clinton campaign. Hillary’s campaign workers are volunteering to go out for Starbucks and not coming back.
That explains it
Charlie Sheen is getting married for the third time; you know what this means? His credit card was declined.
Charlie Sheen is getting married for the third time; hey Charlie, my cell phone number is 858-701-9899. This isn’t a joke, I want to be invited to the bachelor party.
Since you asked:
Don't you just love it when celebrities go on talk shows, which I am pretty sure they comprehend people watch them on TV's at home, and don't talk about the one thing everyone wants them to talk about?
For example, Tony Romo goes into the booth at Wrigley Field after butchering "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" so badly it wasn't even laughable and not only doesn't he talk about what a crappy job he did singing, he refuses to mention Jessica Simpson. If Tony Romo does not have a football in his hands, dating Jessica Simpson is the only thing mildly interesting about him.
As the man might say it himself, I stand behind no man in my admiration of the David Letterman. But I will never, ever, understand his incessant need to suck up to Paris Hilton. Please, Dave, I am begging you, let that skank go away, for the love of decency.
Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
Queen Elisabeth II’s granddaughter, Zara Phillips, qualified for the Beijing Olympics as an Equestrian. It was a little awkward, when he heard Queen Elisabeth’s granddaughter was an Equestrian, President Bush said; “Hey, Cheney’s daughter is one too. Nothing wrong with it.”
Kinda rough
Did everyone have a good mother’s day? It was a rough day for me. I read in Barbara Walter’s book “Audition” that Barbara was my real mother and she put me up for adoption.
Not nice
You know what is the best Mother’s Day present? Something homemade. The worst Mother’s Day Present? A card that says “Happy Mother’s Day, you owe me $40 for the gas to get here.”
Or something like that
A former crony of OJ Simpson has written a book that claims a stoned OJ confessed to the murders. I think the title of the book is; “Duh, We Already Know He Did It, Dumb-ass.”
Gosh, this won’t be too much of a problem
HBO’s NFL training camp show “Hard Knocks” will film the Dallas Cowboys in Oxnard, California; gosh, Terrell Owens with 24-hour-a-day access to unlimited camera time. What could possibly go wrong there?
Off key
Dallas Cowboy QB Tony Romo sang “Take me Out to the Ballgame” at the Chicago Cubs-Arizona Diamondback game. To give you an idea how bad Romo’s singing was, Simon Cowell was spinning in the coffin he sleeps in during the day.
No problem
First daughter Jenna Bush got married outdoors at the Bush Crawford Texas ranch Saturday. Now I know what you’re thinking, an outside wedding in Texas can be ruined by birds, right? Wrong, Dick Cheney shot them all.
Not easy
The Reverend Al Sharpton Jr. owes the IRS over a million-and-a-half dollars in back taxes; the challenging part for Al will be trying to prove that Uncle Sam is a racist.
Not a good sign
It is getting pathetically sad at the Hillary Clinton campaign. Hillary’s campaign workers are volunteering to go out for Starbucks and not coming back.
That explains it
Charlie Sheen is getting married for the third time; you know what this means? His credit card was declined.
Charlie Sheen is getting married for the third time; hey Charlie, my cell phone number is 858-701-9899. This isn’t a joke, I want to be invited to the bachelor party.
Since you asked:
Don't you just love it when celebrities go on talk shows, which I am pretty sure they comprehend people watch them on TV's at home, and don't talk about the one thing everyone wants them to talk about?
For example, Tony Romo goes into the booth at Wrigley Field after butchering "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" so badly it wasn't even laughable and not only doesn't he talk about what a crappy job he did singing, he refuses to mention Jessica Simpson. If Tony Romo does not have a football in his hands, dating Jessica Simpson is the only thing mildly interesting about him.
As the man might say it himself, I stand behind no man in my admiration of the David Letterman. But I will never, ever, understand his incessant need to suck up to Paris Hilton. Please, Dave, I am begging you, let that skank go away, for the love of decency.
posted by Alex at
1:42 PM
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