Chillax my broheims and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How hot is it?
It is so hot you could fry an egg on Iron Man’s ass.

It is so hot Iron Man had to wear his steel Bermuda shorts and tungsten tank top.

Not good
A substitute teacher in Texas was arrested because he showed up to school drunk; you don’t want your high school teachers drunk, they could end up sleeping with a really ugly student.

Good for them
California has cancelled the ban on gay marriage; what great news for Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest.

California has cancelled the ban on gay marriage; finally some good news for the Oakland Raiders.

Long fall
Olympic gold medal winning sprinter Tim Montgomery was sentenced to four years in prison for bouncing checks; from Olympic champion to convict, that’s the biggest fall you can make without being named Hillary Clinton.

How hot is it?
Man it is hot, I was sweating like the other horses in the Preakness besides Big Brown trotting past the Elmers corporate box.

Odd twist
Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins. In an ironic twist, both Angelina’s babies are going to be adopted by a poor Asian couple.