Busted flat in Baton Rouge, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Avast there me hardy
Barack Obama won huge in North Carolina; wow, you thought Barack and Hillary were bickering before? Hillary hasn’t been this mad at a man since Bill fired a shot across Monica’s bow, if you get what I mean in nautical terms.
Romo'd
Dallas Cowboy, Tony Romo has dumped Jessica Simpson. Turns out they weren’t really going out, Romo just had: “Nail Jessica in Cabo” on his bucket list.
Jessica Simpson has been dumped by Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo. Will somebody please go and try and console the openly weeping Terrell Owens?
.
Now, when he sits down, he is Rambo, oh, oh, oh, my. Whewie.
Rambo Four is opening up. The first one was “Rambo: First Blood.” But Sly Stallone is getting up there. I think this one is called “Rambo: First, oh shoot, what was that name again?”
In this one, Rambo is sent in to an assisted care facility to break up a crooked bingo game.
Sly Stallone is getting old. In the other Rambos there is the scene where Rambo straps on his weapons, rips off his shirt and then ties on the red headband. Now he puts in his teeth, combs over his bald spot and rubs vanishing cream on his liver spots.
It’s a tropical thing
First they announced they are going to plant one million trees in New York. Now they said they are going to build four giant waterfalls. And then, in Times Square, they are going to put grass hula skirts on all the hookers.
In Times Square, for an extra $50, the hookers will pina your colada.
That can’t be good
Mercury levels in New York area fish are high. In fact, New York City McDonalds are now offering a Glow-in-the-dark Filet-O-Fish.
Hard to imagine, but we kid Mississippi
It is agreed by sports experts the toughest and most fearsome athlete is Sebastien Chabal, a big, burly, French rugby player. Americans have a hard time conceptualizing a Frenchman as the toughest jock in the world. It’s like hearing a Mississippian is the smartest guy in the U.S.
Since you asked:
Gotta admit, the smugness factor is pretty thick as I watch Tiger disembowel the competition at Torrey Pines in the Buick Open. Didn’t actually go there in person under the been-there-done-that clause, but now that I hear the announcers talking about how you could grab one of Tiger’s divots and put it in your lawn as a holy five inch by three inch shrine to Tiger, I wish I had been there and done that. Maybe during the Open in June. (If I put the Tiger divot in our backyard, it would be the only grass in there, thanks to our beasts, Wrigley and Kasey)
No, the smugness comes from watching on my most def Hi Def 50 inch plasma as the announcers struggle to find adjectives to describe the beauty of the T.P. course that is about two-and-a-half miles away as the crow flies. And devouring an awesome Philly Cheesesteak while swilling a nice red isn’t hurting that experience. (Diet and workout regimen revival to begin on Monday)
The weird part is that I am watching the tournament with about a thirty minute delay on the DVR and it makes me feel like a meteorologist who can predict the future as the wind and cloudiness pick up.
Speaking of adjectives, it is Tiger’s world, we are just searching for adjectives to describe his play in it. Best golfer ever? No question and that is with all due respect to the Golden Bear.
Avast there me hardy
Barack Obama won huge in North Carolina; wow, you thought Barack and Hillary were bickering before? Hillary hasn’t been this mad at a man since Bill fired a shot across Monica’s bow, if you get what I mean in nautical terms.
Romo'd
Dallas Cowboy, Tony Romo has dumped Jessica Simpson. Turns out they weren’t really going out, Romo just had: “Nail Jessica in Cabo” on his bucket list.
Jessica Simpson has been dumped by Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo. Will somebody please go and try and console the openly weeping Terrell Owens?
.
Now, when he sits down, he is Rambo, oh, oh, oh, my. Whewie.
Rambo Four is opening up. The first one was “Rambo: First Blood.” But Sly Stallone is getting up there. I think this one is called “Rambo: First, oh shoot, what was that name again?”
In this one, Rambo is sent in to an assisted care facility to break up a crooked bingo game.
Sly Stallone is getting old. In the other Rambos there is the scene where Rambo straps on his weapons, rips off his shirt and then ties on the red headband. Now he puts in his teeth, combs over his bald spot and rubs vanishing cream on his liver spots.
It’s a tropical thing
First they announced they are going to plant one million trees in New York. Now they said they are going to build four giant waterfalls. And then, in Times Square, they are going to put grass hula skirts on all the hookers.
In Times Square, for an extra $50, the hookers will pina your colada.
That can’t be good
Mercury levels in New York area fish are high. In fact, New York City McDonalds are now offering a Glow-in-the-dark Filet-O-Fish.
Hard to imagine, but we kid Mississippi
It is agreed by sports experts the toughest and most fearsome athlete is Sebastien Chabal, a big, burly, French rugby player. Americans have a hard time conceptualizing a Frenchman as the toughest jock in the world. It’s like hearing a Mississippian is the smartest guy in the U.S.
Since you asked:
Gotta admit, the smugness factor is pretty thick as I watch Tiger disembowel the competition at Torrey Pines in the Buick Open. Didn’t actually go there in person under the been-there-done-that clause, but now that I hear the announcers talking about how you could grab one of Tiger’s divots and put it in your lawn as a holy five inch by three inch shrine to Tiger, I wish I had been there and done that. Maybe during the Open in June. (If I put the Tiger divot in our backyard, it would be the only grass in there, thanks to our beasts, Wrigley and Kasey)
No, the smugness comes from watching on my most def Hi Def 50 inch plasma as the announcers struggle to find adjectives to describe the beauty of the T.P. course that is about two-and-a-half miles away as the crow flies. And devouring an awesome Philly Cheesesteak while swilling a nice red isn’t hurting that experience. (Diet and workout regimen revival to begin on Monday)
The weird part is that I am watching the tournament with about a thirty minute delay on the DVR and it makes me feel like a meteorologist who can predict the future as the wind and cloudiness pick up.
Speaking of adjectives, it is Tiger’s world, we are just searching for adjectives to describe his play in it. Best golfer ever? No question and that is with all due respect to the Golden Bear.
posted by Alex at
2:29 PM
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