Slap that and tap that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Here we go
Lindsay Lohan crashed her car again and may be cited for D.U.I. You know what this means? Paris Hilton gets a cellmate.
The good news? Lindsay should get her money back from her rehab stint.
Lindsay Lohan crashed her car again and may be cited for D.U.I. after police found cocaine. This was Lindsay’s third crash in two years. Apparently that drastic shortage of Hollywood chauffeurs continues unabated.
Nice try, Paris
Prior to going to jail, Paris Hilton has tried to improve her image by traipsing around L.A. holding a bible. Shouldn’t she be waving an American flag? Oh, that’s right, patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, religion is the last refuge of a skank. That’s right.
Plan ahead
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that he wants the city’s taxis to be converted to gas-electric hybrids by 2012. And by 2020, he wants the taxis running totally off the fumes coming from the cab drivers.
Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
A 14-year-old girl from Redmond, Washington, has won the National Geography Bee. It was awkward, when informed President Bush said; “Good for her, I never was good with rocks.”
Shack
Shaquille O’Neal commented that a sports writer was an idiot, I-D-O-U-T. I knew Shaq couldn’t hit a free throw, but I didn’t know he couldn’t spell one.
Catchy tunes
Apple is suing a company that makes a vibrator called iGasm because Apple feels it is infringing on their iPod name. To the iGasm's credit the vibrator does play three songs: “”Whole Lotta Love” “When I Think About You I Touch Myself” and “You Shook Me All Night Long.”
Ouch
After her ugly fight with co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, ABC announced Rosie O’Donnell is off “The View” immediately. Insiders say an ABC executive had had it and kicked Rosie to the curb. Sadly, as a result, the ABC executive seriously broke his foot.
What is going on?
In the midst of the Tour De France winner Floyd Landis’s doping hearing, former winner Bjarne Riis admitted he doped and now a massage therapist claims he gave former winner Jan Ullrich drugs. How sad is it that now cyclists are on more drugs than the Rolling Stones?
See the connection?
A Beverly Hills salon is offering a $800 butt facial. They give your butt a full facial. They got the idea from watching Michael Moore’s face in a commercial to promote his new movie; “Sicko.”
Wrong
The 91st running of the Indianapolis 500 had three women in the race, Sara Fisher, Danica Patrick and Milka Duno. I want to go on record that it is both crude and sexist to call this historic race with three women at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway: Where the I.M.S. meets the P.M.S. That is wrong.
Since you asked:
As I have been watching my Cubbies closely, I think back to an article in “Sports Illustrated” that was interesting. It took the person from each professional sport that made the exact average amount of money for their sport.
The NBA and NFL players were by far the richest, but they pointed out making it in the NBA is the sports equivalent of winning the lottery in that there are only 426 players. The smallest average salary was for women’s golf.
The baseball player – I don’t remember who it was – was doing fine at about $1.9 million. But what was interesting was his journey to get there. A couple years before he was making about $30,000 in the minor leagues.
What he said was that the level of play between the show and the minors is surprisingly small. In Triple A you see 96 mph fastballs like the bigs. He said making it to the show had a lot to do with luck. Is there a spot open where you play on your major league team? When you get called up are you on a hot streak? If not, adios. Back to Motel Six, yellow school buses, Popeyes fried chicken and chicken wire lockers.
The pro baseball player said, sure, the first class hotels and chartered planes and fancy clubhouses with the gourmet spreads are nice but you get used to that surprisingly fast. Then one day he said you wake up and you realize you are going to your job. Yes, it is a good job, a well paying job, a fun job, a job millions would do for free, but it is still a job.
When I was a couple years out of college, I got a break and was offered a job as a bond broker on Wall Street in New York. When he hired me the boss and owner was upfront about why he hired a young and totally inexperienced guy. A big part of what I was supposed to do was take clients out and entertain them: bars, the best restaurants, Broadway shows, ball games. He wanted to know if I was up for that. Was I up for that? Getting paid to go out in Manhattan? What god did I please?
After one year, guess what part of that job sucked the most? You got it. After working all day you had to stay in your suit and take out some wildly difficult egomaniac bond trader who only wants to waste as much of your expense account as possible getting sloppy, sloppy drunk.
Everyone says they love their jobs but hardly anyone really does. And if you really do love your job, there are days when you hate it. Even pro baseball players. As I have stated before, sometime, someplace some male porn star woke up in Encino, CA and said;
“If I have to have sex with one more beautiful girl, I swear, I’m going postal. I’m calling in sick.”
Here we go
Lindsay Lohan crashed her car again and may be cited for D.U.I. You know what this means? Paris Hilton gets a cellmate.
The good news? Lindsay should get her money back from her rehab stint.
Lindsay Lohan crashed her car again and may be cited for D.U.I. after police found cocaine. This was Lindsay’s third crash in two years. Apparently that drastic shortage of Hollywood chauffeurs continues unabated.
Nice try, Paris
Prior to going to jail, Paris Hilton has tried to improve her image by traipsing around L.A. holding a bible. Shouldn’t she be waving an American flag? Oh, that’s right, patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, religion is the last refuge of a skank. That’s right.
Plan ahead
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that he wants the city’s taxis to be converted to gas-electric hybrids by 2012. And by 2020, he wants the taxis running totally off the fumes coming from the cab drivers.
Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
A 14-year-old girl from Redmond, Washington, has won the National Geography Bee. It was awkward, when informed President Bush said; “Good for her, I never was good with rocks.”
Shack
Shaquille O’Neal commented that a sports writer was an idiot, I-D-O-U-T. I knew Shaq couldn’t hit a free throw, but I didn’t know he couldn’t spell one.
Catchy tunes
Apple is suing a company that makes a vibrator called iGasm because Apple feels it is infringing on their iPod name. To the iGasm's credit the vibrator does play three songs: “”Whole Lotta Love” “When I Think About You I Touch Myself” and “You Shook Me All Night Long.”
Ouch
After her ugly fight with co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, ABC announced Rosie O’Donnell is off “The View” immediately. Insiders say an ABC executive had had it and kicked Rosie to the curb. Sadly, as a result, the ABC executive seriously broke his foot.
What is going on?
In the midst of the Tour De France winner Floyd Landis’s doping hearing, former winner Bjarne Riis admitted he doped and now a massage therapist claims he gave former winner Jan Ullrich drugs. How sad is it that now cyclists are on more drugs than the Rolling Stones?
See the connection?
A Beverly Hills salon is offering a $800 butt facial. They give your butt a full facial. They got the idea from watching Michael Moore’s face in a commercial to promote his new movie; “Sicko.”
Wrong
The 91st running of the Indianapolis 500 had three women in the race, Sara Fisher, Danica Patrick and Milka Duno. I want to go on record that it is both crude and sexist to call this historic race with three women at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway: Where the I.M.S. meets the P.M.S. That is wrong.
Since you asked:
As I have been watching my Cubbies closely, I think back to an article in “Sports Illustrated” that was interesting. It took the person from each professional sport that made the exact average amount of money for their sport.
The NBA and NFL players were by far the richest, but they pointed out making it in the NBA is the sports equivalent of winning the lottery in that there are only 426 players. The smallest average salary was for women’s golf.
The baseball player – I don’t remember who it was – was doing fine at about $1.9 million. But what was interesting was his journey to get there. A couple years before he was making about $30,000 in the minor leagues.
What he said was that the level of play between the show and the minors is surprisingly small. In Triple A you see 96 mph fastballs like the bigs. He said making it to the show had a lot to do with luck. Is there a spot open where you play on your major league team? When you get called up are you on a hot streak? If not, adios. Back to Motel Six, yellow school buses, Popeyes fried chicken and chicken wire lockers.
The pro baseball player said, sure, the first class hotels and chartered planes and fancy clubhouses with the gourmet spreads are nice but you get used to that surprisingly fast. Then one day he said you wake up and you realize you are going to your job. Yes, it is a good job, a well paying job, a fun job, a job millions would do for free, but it is still a job.
When I was a couple years out of college, I got a break and was offered a job as a bond broker on Wall Street in New York. When he hired me the boss and owner was upfront about why he hired a young and totally inexperienced guy. A big part of what I was supposed to do was take clients out and entertain them: bars, the best restaurants, Broadway shows, ball games. He wanted to know if I was up for that. Was I up for that? Getting paid to go out in Manhattan? What god did I please?
After one year, guess what part of that job sucked the most? You got it. After working all day you had to stay in your suit and take out some wildly difficult egomaniac bond trader who only wants to waste as much of your expense account as possible getting sloppy, sloppy drunk.
Everyone says they love their jobs but hardly anyone really does. And if you really do love your job, there are days when you hate it. Even pro baseball players. As I have stated before, sometime, someplace some male porn star woke up in Encino, CA and said;
“If I have to have sex with one more beautiful girl, I swear, I’m going postal. I’m calling in sick.”
posted by Alex at
9:15 AM
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