It is hard out here
Oh you so busted flat in Baton Rouge, Torn Slattern and Nugget Ranchers
Oh deer
A Wisconsin man received probation after he was convicted of having sex with a dead deer. They were going to send him to jail for having sex with a lifeless mammal but then they would have had to arrest Prince Charles.
A Wisconsin man received probation after he was convicted of having sex with a dead deer. How does that make Martha Stewart feel? Martha fibbed about stocks and went to prison, this guy nailed a dead deer and skates.
The Brady Bunch
A paternity test has been ordered for Anna Nicole Smith’s baby so they will finally determine who is Anna Nicole’s baby-daddy. A lot of people are betting on this Larry Birhkead guy, but don’t rule out Tom Brady. That guy is on a roll.
Say it ain’t so
For the first time online gossip sites, like TMZ, will factor in the presidential election. Oh, I hope this doesn’t mean what I think it means: there is a shot of Hillary without panties in our future.
A Switch
The George W. Bush Presidential Library will lease land near the SMU campus in Dallas. Because of Bush’s legacy of increased surveillance, this will be the first library where the books check the people out.
No coincidence
A nutritional study reveals that Chinese food is unhealthy. Why am I afraid it isn’t a coincidence we find out Chinese food is unhealthy the same time they discover contaminated pet food?
A nutritional study reveals that Chinese food is unhealthy. How unhealthy is Chinese food? In New York, the Chinese restaurant rats left for the healthier food at Taco Bell.
A nutritional study reveals that Chinese food is unhealthy. Especially when you order the Kung Pao Cat Food.
A sure sign
In baseball, St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa was arrested with a DUI. The police knew LaRussa was intoxicated when he began to rant that the Chicago Cubs would win the World Series.
Poof
Rosie O’Donnell celebrated her 45th birthday on “The View.” Rosie made a wish blew out the candles on her cake and, boom, conservative co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck turned into a huge corn dog.
Catchy name
In New York City a restaurant is offering a pizza that costs $1,000. It’s called the “Why The US is Hated” special.
Good idea
Israel now has its own Hooters restaurant. Because that is really what Israel needs right now, another reason to aggravate conservative Muslims.
Israel now has its own Hooters restaurant. The Israel Hooters is different, instead of Happy Hour they have a “Feeling a little less horribly guilty” hour.
Israel now has its own Hooters restaurant. The Israel Hooters is different, they offer a noon time special called “Should it kill you to take your mother to lunch?”
Spring has sprung
It is officially Spring. Rosie O’Donnell emerged from “The View” and she didn’t see her shadow, so no more winter.
Or something like that
In a TV interview, a spat has begun between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rush Limbaugh and Arnold called Rush irrelevant. Actually, the exact quote was Arnold called Rush; “Error-rear-rah-err-elephant.”
After their spat, Arnold Schwarzenegger called Rush Limbaugh’s radio show and talked for 15 minutes without letting Rush get a word in. Forget killing indestructible robot aliens barehanded, talking over Rush is the most superhuman feat Arnold has ever done.
Since you asked:
As all parents know, one of the true joy, besides the unconditional love, of having a child is messing with them.
As I had been watching part of the S.I.U.- Kansas game, I took Ann Caroline to the store to get the fixings to make my awesome BBQ Meatloaf sandwiches* the team mascot name for SIU was dancing in my head: Saluki.
So, of course, I informed Ann Caroline that we were changing her name to Saluki. She did not seem to like that idea for some odd reason. So the more she objected the more I stressed that we were legally changing her name to Saluki.
So that brings us to the next question: if you suddenly were a gazillion-aire and decided to form your own division one college, what would the team name be?
Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing your Kaseberg College fighting Thordoggies.
And what would be the name of the marching band? Are you kidding? K.C’s Sunshine Band of course? Wrong. Trick question, we would have no marching band, just a cool band like Stanford.
*Google Sam the Cooking Guy, go to Sam’s favorite recipes to BBQ Meatloaf. I serve them on toasted sourdough bread with mayo, lettuce and tomato.
Oh deer
A Wisconsin man received probation after he was convicted of having sex with a dead deer. They were going to send him to jail for having sex with a lifeless mammal but then they would have had to arrest Prince Charles.
A Wisconsin man received probation after he was convicted of having sex with a dead deer. How does that make Martha Stewart feel? Martha fibbed about stocks and went to prison, this guy nailed a dead deer and skates.
The Brady Bunch
A paternity test has been ordered for Anna Nicole Smith’s baby so they will finally determine who is Anna Nicole’s baby-daddy. A lot of people are betting on this Larry Birhkead guy, but don’t rule out Tom Brady. That guy is on a roll.
Say it ain’t so
For the first time online gossip sites, like TMZ, will factor in the presidential election. Oh, I hope this doesn’t mean what I think it means: there is a shot of Hillary without panties in our future.
A Switch
The George W. Bush Presidential Library will lease land near the SMU campus in Dallas. Because of Bush’s legacy of increased surveillance, this will be the first library where the books check the people out.
No coincidence
A nutritional study reveals that Chinese food is unhealthy. Why am I afraid it isn’t a coincidence we find out Chinese food is unhealthy the same time they discover contaminated pet food?
A nutritional study reveals that Chinese food is unhealthy. How unhealthy is Chinese food? In New York, the Chinese restaurant rats left for the healthier food at Taco Bell.
A nutritional study reveals that Chinese food is unhealthy. Especially when you order the Kung Pao Cat Food.
A sure sign
In baseball, St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa was arrested with a DUI. The police knew LaRussa was intoxicated when he began to rant that the Chicago Cubs would win the World Series.
Poof
Rosie O’Donnell celebrated her 45th birthday on “The View.” Rosie made a wish blew out the candles on her cake and, boom, conservative co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck turned into a huge corn dog.
Catchy name
In New York City a restaurant is offering a pizza that costs $1,000. It’s called the “Why The US is Hated” special.
Good idea
Israel now has its own Hooters restaurant. Because that is really what Israel needs right now, another reason to aggravate conservative Muslims.
Israel now has its own Hooters restaurant. The Israel Hooters is different, instead of Happy Hour they have a “Feeling a little less horribly guilty” hour.
Israel now has its own Hooters restaurant. The Israel Hooters is different, they offer a noon time special called “Should it kill you to take your mother to lunch?”
Spring has sprung
It is officially Spring. Rosie O’Donnell emerged from “The View” and she didn’t see her shadow, so no more winter.
Or something like that
In a TV interview, a spat has begun between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rush Limbaugh and Arnold called Rush irrelevant. Actually, the exact quote was Arnold called Rush; “Error-rear-rah-err-elephant.”
After their spat, Arnold Schwarzenegger called Rush Limbaugh’s radio show and talked for 15 minutes without letting Rush get a word in. Forget killing indestructible robot aliens barehanded, talking over Rush is the most superhuman feat Arnold has ever done.
Since you asked:
As all parents know, one of the true joy, besides the unconditional love, of having a child is messing with them.
As I had been watching part of the S.I.U.- Kansas game, I took Ann Caroline to the store to get the fixings to make my awesome BBQ Meatloaf sandwiches* the team mascot name for SIU was dancing in my head: Saluki.
So, of course, I informed Ann Caroline that we were changing her name to Saluki. She did not seem to like that idea for some odd reason. So the more she objected the more I stressed that we were legally changing her name to Saluki.
So that brings us to the next question: if you suddenly were a gazillion-aire and decided to form your own division one college, what would the team name be?
Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing your Kaseberg College fighting Thordoggies.
And what would be the name of the marching band? Are you kidding? K.C’s Sunshine Band of course? Wrong. Trick question, we would have no marching band, just a cool band like Stanford.
*Google Sam the Cooking Guy, go to Sam’s favorite recipes to BBQ Meatloaf. I serve them on toasted sourdough bread with mayo, lettuce and tomato.
posted by Alex at
10:01 AM
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