It is hard out here
Going high hog on the joke blog, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
D-E-V-A . . . .
President Bush toured the tornado damage in Alabama and Bush said the devastation was hard to describe. Bush went on to add that the devastation was even harder to spell.
Big difference
Barack Obama and Bill and Hillary Clinton commemorated the Selma civil rights march together. You know the big difference between Bill Clinton and Barack Obama? Barack has at least an outside shot at ever sleeping with Hillary.
Santo gets O’Tooled
Chicago Cubs all star third baseman, Ron Santo, was turned down by the Baseball Hall of Fame for the 18th time. Santo is an old Italian name that means Peter O’Toole.
You go girl
Conservative commentator Ann Coulter used a gay slur to insult democratic candidate John Edwards. A gay slur from Ann Coulter is odd when you consider she has personally turned more straight guys gay than any other woman besides Cher.
It hit the fan
U.S. and Iraq soldiers invaded a Shiite stronghold in Sadr City. It went peacefully but it could very well have been a real Shiite storm.
Not quite
The road trip comedy “Wild Hogs” opened this weekend at $38 million. Bill Clinton went to see it but he was disappointed, he thought “Wild Hogs” was about White House interns gone wild.
We kid the Keefers
The good news for the crazy astronaut, Lisa Nowak, is that she will not be charged with attempted murder; Nowak will face charges of kidnapping, assault and, after wearing a diaper for 900 miles, the lesser charge of impersonating Keith Richards.
That’s nice
HBO’s Bill Maher said it would be better if Dick Cheney was dead. To his credit, Dick Cheney said there were no hard feelings. In fact, to patch things up he invited Maher to go quail hunting.
Really nuts
It was reported that Britney Spears was running around her Malibu rehab center with 666 carved in her head and screaming that she was the anti-Christ. Oh my word, Britney has lost it, she thinks she’s Ann Coulter.
Hillary in the house, y’all
Audio tapes of Hillary Clinton speaking at the Selma, Alabama civil rights commemoration this weekend reveal that Hillary suddenly developed a thick Southern accent. It was so bad, Madonna made fun of Hillary in her fake British accent.
When did this happen?:
British soccer star David Beckham injured his right knee prior to his $250 mil deal to come to the Los Angeles Galaxy soccer team. That is shocking. Los Angeles has a soccer team?
British soccer star David Beckham injured his right knee prior to his $250 mil deal to come to the Los Angeles Galaxy. To give you an idea how bad it was, Beckham was limping worse than his wife Victoria’s singing career.
Rough day
Conservative commentator Ann Coulter used a gay slur to insult democratic candidate John Edwards. It was a bad day for Coulter. She also got a ticket for having her broom double parked.
Since you asked:
My latest pet peeve. No matter how empty a store is, there will be some Yahoo who has nothing better to do than stand motionless right in front of whatever it is I need to get apparently memorizing the labels. It never fails. If there are only three people in the entire grocery store, there will be one guy starring hypnotically at the chicken thighs I need to grab.
Ever notice how, when you think you see someone you know, and then it turns out not to be them, that you get kind of pissed off at the imposter?
In your head you’re thinking, Hey, there’s my buddy, I am going to go say hi. This will be a hoot. Hey wait. It’s not my buddy. What’s the big idea looking like my buddy but not being him? You’re not my buddy so stop faking me out.
And you know how you see the same person over and over again but you have no desire to know who they are? You don’t even say hi. It’s like they have the title: “Person who does all the same things as me at the same time who I don’t want to have as a friend.”
And they feel the same way about you.
My buddy is getting a divorce and amazingly, he found somebody to date who is as crazy as he is and that is saying something. She is attractive but no longer a spring chicken – neither am I – but she clearly still has her spring chicken attitude.
In her mind I am coming up on meeting her for the first time for the fourth time. It drives me insane.
To her defense the first two times I met her she was drunk as she could be and still stand up.
This same buddy had a friend with a not-aging-gracefully surgically augmented trophy wife –they are now also divorced - who, no lie, I met her at least five times and each time she gave me the “We haven’t met.”
Now, I’m not saying I am Brad Freaking Pitt but I am a big guy with an equally big personality and, whether you like me or not, I should make some kind of an impression.
The last time I met her was at the Del Mar race track and I had had a few vodka and cranberries and, when introduced to her for the sixth time, I shook her hand and said;
“We’ve actually met five times, you just don’t find it worth your effort to remember. Frankly, I feel exactly the same way about you, I just don’t like to be rude.”
Sure, now when I see her she gives me dirty looks, but at least she remembers me.
Coulter VS. Maher?
So what do we make about the timing of liberals calling for the head of Ann Coulter for calling John Edwards a fagg*t while conservatives cry for the head of Bill Maher for saying he wishes Cheney had died in the terrorist attack in Afghanistan?
This all makes me very proud to be an Independent. Both sides are equally hypocritical as usual. Last time I checked, it was legal in this country to say something that makes you look like an utter idiotic a-hole.
Ann Coulter may actually hate liberals – she sure seems angry enough – but I think she is just playing to her niche because there are so many liberal women commentators. Either way Ann Coulter is much more about Ann Coulter than politics. She is no friend of the conservatives on this one, living down to the right wing stereotype of being mean-spirited and intolerant.
Bill Maher is an a-hole who happens to be truly funny. Does a self-important comedian have any right to announce he would be happier if our vice president was dead? Yes he does. It is called freedom of speech and an opinion. Does saying it make Maher look like an arrogant douche bag? Yes, but so does everything else Maher does. What happened to liberals being so caring and concerned for their fellow man? Wishing somebody died doesn’t exactly jibe with that.
Bill Maher and Ann Coulter are two peas in the same self-promotional pod. They are making a killing being controversial, one just picked the left the other a mini skirt and the right.
D-E-V-A . . . .
President Bush toured the tornado damage in Alabama and Bush said the devastation was hard to describe. Bush went on to add that the devastation was even harder to spell.
Big difference
Barack Obama and Bill and Hillary Clinton commemorated the Selma civil rights march together. You know the big difference between Bill Clinton and Barack Obama? Barack has at least an outside shot at ever sleeping with Hillary.
Santo gets O’Tooled
Chicago Cubs all star third baseman, Ron Santo, was turned down by the Baseball Hall of Fame for the 18th time. Santo is an old Italian name that means Peter O’Toole.
You go girl
Conservative commentator Ann Coulter used a gay slur to insult democratic candidate John Edwards. A gay slur from Ann Coulter is odd when you consider she has personally turned more straight guys gay than any other woman besides Cher.
It hit the fan
U.S. and Iraq soldiers invaded a Shiite stronghold in Sadr City. It went peacefully but it could very well have been a real Shiite storm.
Not quite
The road trip comedy “Wild Hogs” opened this weekend at $38 million. Bill Clinton went to see it but he was disappointed, he thought “Wild Hogs” was about White House interns gone wild.
We kid the Keefers
The good news for the crazy astronaut, Lisa Nowak, is that she will not be charged with attempted murder; Nowak will face charges of kidnapping, assault and, after wearing a diaper for 900 miles, the lesser charge of impersonating Keith Richards.
That’s nice
HBO’s Bill Maher said it would be better if Dick Cheney was dead. To his credit, Dick Cheney said there were no hard feelings. In fact, to patch things up he invited Maher to go quail hunting.
Really nuts
It was reported that Britney Spears was running around her Malibu rehab center with 666 carved in her head and screaming that she was the anti-Christ. Oh my word, Britney has lost it, she thinks she’s Ann Coulter.
Hillary in the house, y’all
Audio tapes of Hillary Clinton speaking at the Selma, Alabama civil rights commemoration this weekend reveal that Hillary suddenly developed a thick Southern accent. It was so bad, Madonna made fun of Hillary in her fake British accent.
When did this happen?:
British soccer star David Beckham injured his right knee prior to his $250 mil deal to come to the Los Angeles Galaxy soccer team. That is shocking. Los Angeles has a soccer team?
British soccer star David Beckham injured his right knee prior to his $250 mil deal to come to the Los Angeles Galaxy. To give you an idea how bad it was, Beckham was limping worse than his wife Victoria’s singing career.
Rough day
Conservative commentator Ann Coulter used a gay slur to insult democratic candidate John Edwards. It was a bad day for Coulter. She also got a ticket for having her broom double parked.
Since you asked:
My latest pet peeve. No matter how empty a store is, there will be some Yahoo who has nothing better to do than stand motionless right in front of whatever it is I need to get apparently memorizing the labels. It never fails. If there are only three people in the entire grocery store, there will be one guy starring hypnotically at the chicken thighs I need to grab.
Ever notice how, when you think you see someone you know, and then it turns out not to be them, that you get kind of pissed off at the imposter?
In your head you’re thinking, Hey, there’s my buddy, I am going to go say hi. This will be a hoot. Hey wait. It’s not my buddy. What’s the big idea looking like my buddy but not being him? You’re not my buddy so stop faking me out.
And you know how you see the same person over and over again but you have no desire to know who they are? You don’t even say hi. It’s like they have the title: “Person who does all the same things as me at the same time who I don’t want to have as a friend.”
And they feel the same way about you.
My buddy is getting a divorce and amazingly, he found somebody to date who is as crazy as he is and that is saying something. She is attractive but no longer a spring chicken – neither am I – but she clearly still has her spring chicken attitude.
In her mind I am coming up on meeting her for the first time for the fourth time. It drives me insane.
To her defense the first two times I met her she was drunk as she could be and still stand up.
This same buddy had a friend with a not-aging-gracefully surgically augmented trophy wife –they are now also divorced - who, no lie, I met her at least five times and each time she gave me the “We haven’t met.”
Now, I’m not saying I am Brad Freaking Pitt but I am a big guy with an equally big personality and, whether you like me or not, I should make some kind of an impression.
The last time I met her was at the Del Mar race track and I had had a few vodka and cranberries and, when introduced to her for the sixth time, I shook her hand and said;
“We’ve actually met five times, you just don’t find it worth your effort to remember. Frankly, I feel exactly the same way about you, I just don’t like to be rude.”
Sure, now when I see her she gives me dirty looks, but at least she remembers me.
Coulter VS. Maher?
So what do we make about the timing of liberals calling for the head of Ann Coulter for calling John Edwards a fagg*t while conservatives cry for the head of Bill Maher for saying he wishes Cheney had died in the terrorist attack in Afghanistan?
This all makes me very proud to be an Independent. Both sides are equally hypocritical as usual. Last time I checked, it was legal in this country to say something that makes you look like an utter idiotic a-hole.
Ann Coulter may actually hate liberals – she sure seems angry enough – but I think she is just playing to her niche because there are so many liberal women commentators. Either way Ann Coulter is much more about Ann Coulter than politics. She is no friend of the conservatives on this one, living down to the right wing stereotype of being mean-spirited and intolerant.
Bill Maher is an a-hole who happens to be truly funny. Does a self-important comedian have any right to announce he would be happier if our vice president was dead? Yes he does. It is called freedom of speech and an opinion. Does saying it make Maher look like an arrogant douche bag? Yes, but so does everything else Maher does. What happened to liberals being so caring and concerned for their fellow man? Wishing somebody died doesn’t exactly jibe with that.
Bill Maher and Ann Coulter are two peas in the same self-promotional pod. They are making a killing being controversial, one just picked the left the other a mini skirt and the right.
posted by Alex at
11:26 AM
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