It is hard out here
Don’t you know this how it gonna go, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
Welcome to the Hotel Crazy Astronaut
At the Grammys the country band Rascal Flats did a great tribute to the Eagles but I don’t think they should have tried to modernize “Hotel California” when they sang;
On a dark desert highway,
cool wind in my hair,
warm smell of my diaper
rising up through the air.
Uh, no sir, that’s not, oh forget it
Barack Obama announced his presidential candidacy and said that name recognition would be his biggest hurdle. When asked to comment, President Bush said; “I am sure everyone knows the name of Barracks Barometer.”
Poughkeepsie, you’re on the air
Of all the aspects of the crazy killer astronaut Lisa Nowak the most talked about by far is that she drove 16-hours in a diaper to attack her romance rival. 16 hours in a diaper, that breaks the old record set by Larry King at a telethon.
Uh, no sir, that’s not, oh forget it 2
President Bush announced he is going on a tour of Latin America. It was a little embarrassing when Bush added; “Before I leave for Latin America I need to brush up on my Latin. Or I should say ushbray upray on my atinlay?”
Getting up there
It was a big night for lead singer Sting. Not only did the Police reunite and perform at the Grammys but Sting won the Billy Idol look-alike contest.
At their reunion for the Grammys you could tell the Police are getting older. Now instead of singing “Every step you take” they sing “Every shuffle you take.”
No wonder drug
The FDA has approved a new diet pill that only claims to work if it is used in combination with eating less and exercising. Well, no kidding. That’s like producing an erectile dysfunction pill that only works if you’re in bed with Carmen Electra.
How cold is it?
It has been cold across the country. To give you an idea, it has been so cold that Ted Williams frozen body asked for an extra blanket.
Suddenly there is such a thing as bad publicity
With the untimely death of their spokesperson, Anna Nicole Smith, you have to ask yourself is there any company that could be getting worse publicity in the news now than TrimSpa? Depends.
Man, not so slow a news day
What a wild week this was. At the start of the month who would have guessed that an Evangelist turned gay to straight and a murderous woman astronaut in a diaper would not be the lead stories.
Just imagine.
The reporting of Anna Nicole Smith’s untimely demise was on 24-hours-a-day on all the cable news stations. Imagine how big it would have been if Anna had been wearing a diaper?
In a sleazy tell-all book, Anna Nicole’s half sister claims Anna’s long-dead 90-year-husband J. Howard Marshall is the father of Anna’s baby. She claims Anna froze Marshall’s sperm as a trump card to win his estate. Ah, there’s nothing quite like your own family now is there?
Who knew?
The reports are that, prior to her death, Anna Nicole Smith was suicidal. Yeah, it seems Anna was distraught about losing her lover, Ryan O’Neal, to a crazy diaper-wearing woman astronaut who was married to an Evangelist who just got cured from being gay.
Ouch
Ike Turner won a Grammy for his album “Risin’ with the Blues.” Ike Turner hasn’t had a really big hit since, well, since Tina Turner failed to duck.
So mean
A British tabloid claims that Prince Charles has ordered Camilla Parker Bowles to have $100,000 worth of cosmetic surgery performed or he would leave her. Do you know what you call $100,000 of cosmetic surgery for Camilla Parker Bowles? A good start.
A British tabloid claims that Prince Charles has ordered Camilla Parker Bowles to have $100,000 worth of cosmetic surgery performed or he would leave her. $100,000? Are they charging that much for penis reduction surgery these days?
Since you asked:
If this is too cute or too parent-bragging, I am sorry. But here, word for word, is an essay my eight-year-old daughter, Ann Caroline, wrote for school titled:
If I Could Go to the Moon?!
“If I could go to the moon I would be excited but a little scared because what if I could get stuck there? If I could bring someone it would be my pets, friends and Neil Armstrong.
“I would get my space suit on my mask and everything you need. I would say bye to my friends and family. I would be jumping up and down when I would get to space and be floating. I would be in the program when Emeril cooks for you. (We watched Emeril make meals for NASA on “Emeril Live”)
“Also I would remember not to look at the Sun. It would be very amazing. I would go on the moon and find rocks and give it to my friends. I would give my Mom and Dad a big hug when I get back.
“That’s what I would do if I could go to the moon.”
Ann Caroline Kaseberg
Glad she didn’t mention anything about a diaper.
Since you asked, too.
Now I hear you folks out there. I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, Lex, we know you don’t like to alienate any one side and that you are actually an Independent, but, please, with your shrewd political insight, tell us who you like so far in terms of all the candidates?
All I do know is that I hate Hillary. This is not a political issue, this is a personality issue.
What kind of person is Hillary? She is the kind of person who, when asked why she is so ambitious and power hungry, gets defensive, testy and snaps;
“I guess I could have been one of those stupid little housewives who bake cookies all day.”
The next day when millions of furious soccer Moms called for her head, Hillary shows up at a press conference with – wait for it, wait for it – a plate of fresh baked cookies.
Oh, I see. We, all of us out here, meaning you and me, are so stupid and Hillary is so smart, that this plate of cookies makes us forget the asinine bitchy put-down she just made.
Because I am a long time Chicago Cubs fan, I have had to put up with the annoying fact that Hillary Clinton was advised once, as she also grew up in the Chicago suburbs, it would be a great image boost for her to align herself with the Cubs. I’m sure Hillary thinks it makes her look like all Cubs fans: down-to-earth, loyal, dedicated, self-deprecating and optimistic.
So, during the Clinton years, you couldn’t turn on a damn Cubs game without Hillary popping her big round annoying face on TV announcing how much she loves the Cubs. She threw out a pitch. She sang “Take me out to the Ballgame” She sat in the WGN booth forever.
So what happens the instant Hillary runs for Senate in New York and she is asked about the New York Mets? Hillary says;
“Oh, I am a huge Mets fan.”
To Cubs fans, this is like somebody saying;
“I support our troops but I also support al Qaeda.”
It is beyond treachery. It offers a frightening glimpse into exactly how duplicitous, how evil, how sinister, how corrupt, how back-stabbing, how untrustworthy Hillary is. And there is no room in politics for all of that because we already have all of that with Jesse Jackson.
Welcome to the Hotel Crazy Astronaut
At the Grammys the country band Rascal Flats did a great tribute to the Eagles but I don’t think they should have tried to modernize “Hotel California” when they sang;
On a dark desert highway,
cool wind in my hair,
warm smell of my diaper
rising up through the air.
Uh, no sir, that’s not, oh forget it
Barack Obama announced his presidential candidacy and said that name recognition would be his biggest hurdle. When asked to comment, President Bush said; “I am sure everyone knows the name of Barracks Barometer.”
Poughkeepsie, you’re on the air
Of all the aspects of the crazy killer astronaut Lisa Nowak the most talked about by far is that she drove 16-hours in a diaper to attack her romance rival. 16 hours in a diaper, that breaks the old record set by Larry King at a telethon.
Uh, no sir, that’s not, oh forget it 2
President Bush announced he is going on a tour of Latin America. It was a little embarrassing when Bush added; “Before I leave for Latin America I need to brush up on my Latin. Or I should say ushbray upray on my atinlay?”
Getting up there
It was a big night for lead singer Sting. Not only did the Police reunite and perform at the Grammys but Sting won the Billy Idol look-alike contest.
At their reunion for the Grammys you could tell the Police are getting older. Now instead of singing “Every step you take” they sing “Every shuffle you take.”
No wonder drug
The FDA has approved a new diet pill that only claims to work if it is used in combination with eating less and exercising. Well, no kidding. That’s like producing an erectile dysfunction pill that only works if you’re in bed with Carmen Electra.
How cold is it?
It has been cold across the country. To give you an idea, it has been so cold that Ted Williams frozen body asked for an extra blanket.
Suddenly there is such a thing as bad publicity
With the untimely death of their spokesperson, Anna Nicole Smith, you have to ask yourself is there any company that could be getting worse publicity in the news now than TrimSpa? Depends.
Man, not so slow a news day
What a wild week this was. At the start of the month who would have guessed that an Evangelist turned gay to straight and a murderous woman astronaut in a diaper would not be the lead stories.
Just imagine.
The reporting of Anna Nicole Smith’s untimely demise was on 24-hours-a-day on all the cable news stations. Imagine how big it would have been if Anna had been wearing a diaper?
In a sleazy tell-all book, Anna Nicole’s half sister claims Anna’s long-dead 90-year-husband J. Howard Marshall is the father of Anna’s baby. She claims Anna froze Marshall’s sperm as a trump card to win his estate. Ah, there’s nothing quite like your own family now is there?
Who knew?
The reports are that, prior to her death, Anna Nicole Smith was suicidal. Yeah, it seems Anna was distraught about losing her lover, Ryan O’Neal, to a crazy diaper-wearing woman astronaut who was married to an Evangelist who just got cured from being gay.
Ouch
Ike Turner won a Grammy for his album “Risin’ with the Blues.” Ike Turner hasn’t had a really big hit since, well, since Tina Turner failed to duck.
So mean
A British tabloid claims that Prince Charles has ordered Camilla Parker Bowles to have $100,000 worth of cosmetic surgery performed or he would leave her. Do you know what you call $100,000 of cosmetic surgery for Camilla Parker Bowles? A good start.
A British tabloid claims that Prince Charles has ordered Camilla Parker Bowles to have $100,000 worth of cosmetic surgery performed or he would leave her. $100,000? Are they charging that much for penis reduction surgery these days?
Since you asked:
If this is too cute or too parent-bragging, I am sorry. But here, word for word, is an essay my eight-year-old daughter, Ann Caroline, wrote for school titled:
If I Could Go to the Moon?!
“If I could go to the moon I would be excited but a little scared because what if I could get stuck there? If I could bring someone it would be my pets, friends and Neil Armstrong.
“I would get my space suit on my mask and everything you need. I would say bye to my friends and family. I would be jumping up and down when I would get to space and be floating. I would be in the program when Emeril cooks for you. (We watched Emeril make meals for NASA on “Emeril Live”)
“Also I would remember not to look at the Sun. It would be very amazing. I would go on the moon and find rocks and give it to my friends. I would give my Mom and Dad a big hug when I get back.
“That’s what I would do if I could go to the moon.”
Ann Caroline Kaseberg
Glad she didn’t mention anything about a diaper.
Since you asked, too.
Now I hear you folks out there. I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, Lex, we know you don’t like to alienate any one side and that you are actually an Independent, but, please, with your shrewd political insight, tell us who you like so far in terms of all the candidates?
All I do know is that I hate Hillary. This is not a political issue, this is a personality issue.
What kind of person is Hillary? She is the kind of person who, when asked why she is so ambitious and power hungry, gets defensive, testy and snaps;
“I guess I could have been one of those stupid little housewives who bake cookies all day.”
The next day when millions of furious soccer Moms called for her head, Hillary shows up at a press conference with – wait for it, wait for it – a plate of fresh baked cookies.
Oh, I see. We, all of us out here, meaning you and me, are so stupid and Hillary is so smart, that this plate of cookies makes us forget the asinine bitchy put-down she just made.
Because I am a long time Chicago Cubs fan, I have had to put up with the annoying fact that Hillary Clinton was advised once, as she also grew up in the Chicago suburbs, it would be a great image boost for her to align herself with the Cubs. I’m sure Hillary thinks it makes her look like all Cubs fans: down-to-earth, loyal, dedicated, self-deprecating and optimistic.
So, during the Clinton years, you couldn’t turn on a damn Cubs game without Hillary popping her big round annoying face on TV announcing how much she loves the Cubs. She threw out a pitch. She sang “Take me out to the Ballgame” She sat in the WGN booth forever.
So what happens the instant Hillary runs for Senate in New York and she is asked about the New York Mets? Hillary says;
“Oh, I am a huge Mets fan.”
To Cubs fans, this is like somebody saying;
“I support our troops but I also support al Qaeda.”
It is beyond treachery. It offers a frightening glimpse into exactly how duplicitous, how evil, how sinister, how corrupt, how back-stabbing, how untrustworthy Hillary is. And there is no room in politics for all of that because we already have all of that with Jesse Jackson.
posted by Alex at
2:05 PM
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