It is hard out here

Go on ahead now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A switch
The stock market was down at one point 500 points yesterday because of a severe drop in the Chinese market. That’s a switch, Americans getting tanked by the Chinese.

Not again
Some bad news for Al Gore. The Supreme Court just awarded Al’s Oscar to George W. Bush.

That whacky Paris
In Hollywood, Paris Hilton was cited for driving on a suspended license. It was awkward when the arresting officer told Paris she didn’t have to get on her knees to take the breathalyzer test and that that wasn’t the breathalyzer.

Perspective
The British are pulling out of Iraq but Vice President Dick Cheney claimed this as a good sign. Of course this is a guy who thinks shooting your friend in the face is a form of bonding.

I am the King of the Weird
“Titanic” director James Cameron claims he has discovered the bones of Jesus Christ. Man, James Brown, Anna Nicole Smith, now Jesus Christ, can’t anyone get and stay buried anymore?

“Titanic” director James Cameron claims he has discovered the bones of Jesus Christ and his wife. Jesus was married. That was one wedding that didn’t run out of booze. “Hey Jesus, we’re out of wine, here’s some water, make some more.”

Get it?
Former Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda is allegedly on the list of customers in a new biography due out by the Hollywood madam, Jody “Babydoll” Gibson. If true, this would bring an entire new spelling and meaning to the term Dodger Blue.  

Paging Charlie Sheen
Thanks to a tell-all biography due out by the Hollywood madam, Jody “Babydoll” Gibson Hollywood actors are issuing more denials than Michael Jackson after Halloween.  

Among the celebrities to be named in the biography as alleged customers of Hollywood madam, Jody “Babydoll” Gibson, is Ben Affleck. It turns out the movie “Gigli” wasn’t the only thing about Ben that really sucked.

Among the celebrities to be named in the biography as alleged customers of Hollywood madam, Jody “Babydoll” Gibson, is Bruce Willis. Look for Willis’s new sequel; “Sixty Nineth Sense.”

Green machine
A think tank has revealed that Al Gore’s Tennessee home used twenty times the average amount of power. Gore could not be reached for comment as he was flying in his chartered jet at the time.






Just like ol’ times
Kevin Federline brought their two kids to Britney Spears at the Malibu rehab facility on Saturday; it was just like old times. K-Fed took a nap and Britney dropped the kids.