Sunday, February 11, 2007

It is hard out here


Hope this will help fill your sports void this weekend, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Former NBA player John Amaechi declared he is gay in his autobiography; there are more anonymously gay NBA players. Like the guy who demanded a trade to the Los Angeles Lakers because he loved their contrasting sunshine chartreuse and Tinky Winky purple uniforms.

Did you hear the guy who wears the Goofy costume at Disney Land was arrested on child pornography charges? And here I thought Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby girl was the seventh sign of the apocalypse.

Due to riots, an Italian soccer league is banning fans from attending their games. To show how serious they are about not having any fans at their soccer games, they are going to play the games here in the United States.  

Former NBA player John Amaechi declared that he is gay in his autobiography;

Here are the top ten ways all sports would be better if they were gay:

10; Ladies and gentleman introducing your San Francisco Sixty Niners

9, Men’s figure skating would, well, no, that would pretty much stay the same.

8, In baseball, draw four balls? (Good for you, sailor) Now on the way to first, Madonna, Madonna, starburst, step, bump, step, bump, bump, spin, hitch-kick and ballet jete on the base.

7, In track’s pole vault, biggest pole wins

6, In soccer, yellow cards are now sunset chartreuse, and the use of hands is mandatory.

5, Women’s softball would, well, no, that would pretty much stay the same.

4, In hockey, new rule: pants off at the blue line.

3, In basketball taking it hard to the hole takes on a whole new meaning.

2, The Cleveland Cavaliers would change their name to, well, no, that would pretty much stay the same.

And the number one thing that would change if all sports were gay:

All golfers change their name to Tiger.  

What style and class that family has
In a sleazy tell-all book, Anna Nicole’s half sister claims Anna’s long-dead 90-year-husband J. Howard Marshall is the father of Anna’s baby. She claims Anna froze Marshall’s sperm as a trump card to win his estate. Ah, there’s nothing quite like your own family now is there?

Since you asked:

The short, miserable life of Anna Nicole Smith reads like a manual titled: “How You Don’t Want Your Daughter To Be.”

Apparently the uneducated reckless pursuit of fame, wealth, drugs and booze is not all that its cracked up to be. Who knew? Hello, Paris, Britney and Lindsay, this is your wake up call.

Rule # 1, Fathers-of-daughters: Keep your girl off the stripper pole.