It is hard out here
How you feelin’ us now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
Shiver
It has been cold. I tell you, I was shaking like “The Views” assistant who had to tell Rosie O’Donnell they are out of donuts.
Location, location, location
Donald Trump is being giving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Ironically the star is right in front of a Super Cuts barber shop.
Hurts, don’t it?
San Diego is reeling from the Chargers 24-21 upset by the New England Patriots. A depressing loss followed by cold weather. It’s like San Diegans are suddenly Chicago Cubs fans.
Old dudes
The F.A.A. is considering raising the mandatory retirement age for pilots from 60 to 65. This could result in the first intercontinental flight to fly across the entire country with its blinker on.
Or something like that
The NFL announced that there will be a regular season game played in London, England. They haven’t announced the teams but I suggest the Vikings and the Raiders and we call it the “The- teams-named-for-marauders-who-raped-and-pillaged England Bowl”
Close call
The Golden Globe Awards were last night. I don’t want to say that Warren Beatty’s speech was too long but Las Vegas had 2-1 odds that his speech would outlast Fidel Castro.
They drink it up pretty good at the Golden Globe Awards. In fact, they got so hammered, they almost gave a Golden Globe Award to an NBC prime time show.
Got no game
“American Idol” starts tonight. It is tough to watch person after person embarrassing themselves on national television with no visible talent whatsoever. And then after watching “The View” you have to watch “American Idol.”
Double R is ubiquitous
In health news, there is a new diet sweeping the nation. It is simple but effective. You can’t eat anything that has Rachel Ray’s picture on the package.
Scary
Bad news, Los Angeles. Nicole Richey was spotted driving again and talking on her cell phone. The worse part? Nicole was calling Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan to meet for happy hour.
Who knew?
Miss New Jersey USA had to resign because she is pregnant. The shocking part? The father is Donald Trump.
Can’t catch a break
There was a weird moment at the Golden Globe Awards; comedian Sacha Baron Cohen won for his portrayal of Borat but then right after he Cohen accepted the award from presenter Reese Witherspoon, Reece sued him.
Not good
San Diego is reeling from the Chargers 24-21 upset by the New England Patriots. Tough day for Chargers coach Marty Schotenheimer. When he got home is grandson was acting up and Marty tried to put him in a time out but he was out of them.
Since you asked:
We were on a road trip last week and this old story came up and deserves another spin.
My buddy Frank (Fwaaaaaaank) is a funny guy and quite the suave and deboner investment guy. Picture Frasier Crane combined with Dr. Cox on “Scrubs.” (Actor John C. McGinley)
When we call each other, we gleefully verbally abuse each other in happy and creative ways. So I call him and he launches into “F### you, you sorry sh*t-head piece of crap.” For some reason I just hung up on him without responding. (This was before caller ID)
So he calls me right back and, deeply hurt, asks;
“Why did you just hang up on me?”
“I didn’t call you.” I said lying through my teeth and trying not to laugh.
After a long period of silence, Frank says;
“Uh, oh.”
“What’s wrong, Frank?” He cleared his throat and in his deepest disk jockey voice said;
“Well, apparently I was quite rude to one of my clients.”
Now check out your home depot up in this Newsdizzy:
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun185056405jan18,0,4296580.story?coll=ny-viewpoints-headlines
Shiver
It has been cold. I tell you, I was shaking like “The Views” assistant who had to tell Rosie O’Donnell they are out of donuts.
Location, location, location
Donald Trump is being giving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Ironically the star is right in front of a Super Cuts barber shop.
Hurts, don’t it?
San Diego is reeling from the Chargers 24-21 upset by the New England Patriots. A depressing loss followed by cold weather. It’s like San Diegans are suddenly Chicago Cubs fans.
Old dudes
The F.A.A. is considering raising the mandatory retirement age for pilots from 60 to 65. This could result in the first intercontinental flight to fly across the entire country with its blinker on.
Or something like that
The NFL announced that there will be a regular season game played in London, England. They haven’t announced the teams but I suggest the Vikings and the Raiders and we call it the “The- teams-named-for-marauders-who-raped-and-pillaged England Bowl”
Close call
The Golden Globe Awards were last night. I don’t want to say that Warren Beatty’s speech was too long but Las Vegas had 2-1 odds that his speech would outlast Fidel Castro.
They drink it up pretty good at the Golden Globe Awards. In fact, they got so hammered, they almost gave a Golden Globe Award to an NBC prime time show.
Got no game
“American Idol” starts tonight. It is tough to watch person after person embarrassing themselves on national television with no visible talent whatsoever. And then after watching “The View” you have to watch “American Idol.”
Double R is ubiquitous
In health news, there is a new diet sweeping the nation. It is simple but effective. You can’t eat anything that has Rachel Ray’s picture on the package.
Scary
Bad news, Los Angeles. Nicole Richey was spotted driving again and talking on her cell phone. The worse part? Nicole was calling Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan to meet for happy hour.
Who knew?
Miss New Jersey USA had to resign because she is pregnant. The shocking part? The father is Donald Trump.
Can’t catch a break
There was a weird moment at the Golden Globe Awards; comedian Sacha Baron Cohen won for his portrayal of Borat but then right after he Cohen accepted the award from presenter Reese Witherspoon, Reece sued him.
Not good
San Diego is reeling from the Chargers 24-21 upset by the New England Patriots. Tough day for Chargers coach Marty Schotenheimer. When he got home is grandson was acting up and Marty tried to put him in a time out but he was out of them.
Since you asked:
We were on a road trip last week and this old story came up and deserves another spin.
My buddy Frank (Fwaaaaaaank) is a funny guy and quite the suave and deboner investment guy. Picture Frasier Crane combined with Dr. Cox on “Scrubs.” (Actor John C. McGinley)
When we call each other, we gleefully verbally abuse each other in happy and creative ways. So I call him and he launches into “F### you, you sorry sh*t-head piece of crap.” For some reason I just hung up on him without responding. (This was before caller ID)
So he calls me right back and, deeply hurt, asks;
“Why did you just hang up on me?”
“I didn’t call you.” I said lying through my teeth and trying not to laugh.
After a long period of silence, Frank says;
“Uh, oh.”
“What’s wrong, Frank?” He cleared his throat and in his deepest disk jockey voice said;
“Well, apparently I was quite rude to one of my clients.”
Now check out your home depot up in this Newsdizzy:
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-oppun185056405jan18,0,4296580.story?coll=ny-viewpoints-headlines
posted by Alex at
8:00 AM
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