Friday, March 24, 2006

Who said what to who now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?


Did I forget to mention?
The web site Smoking Gun has obtained Dick Cheney’s hotel room requirements: bottled water, coffee, diet Sprite and the TV on Fox News. That’s it. Oh yeah, and two hookers in leather and fishnet stockings blending Margaritas and blasting the song; “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp.”


The web site Smoking Gun has obtained Dick Cheney’s hotel room requirements: bottled water, 4 cans of diet Sprite and the TV tuned to Fox News. Wow, that’s the exact same demands as the rock band Motley Crue.


The web site Smoking Gun has obtained Dick Cheney’s hotel room requirements: bottled water, diet Sprite, coffee, the TV on Fox News and a body bag in case he accidentally whacks a lawyer.


Pour mes nouveaux amis Français bien-aimés
France voted to force Apple to share its iPod iTunes songs with other MP3 manufacturers. When Apple angrily objected, France intuitively surrendered to Apple.


I.R.S. in another public relations coup
The I.R.S. is giving tax preparers permission to sell our tax payer data to telemarketers. This is just in case there is somebody out there who doesn’t already completely despise the I.R.S.


The I.R.S. is giving tax preparers permission to sell our tax payer data to telemarketers. Telemarketers working with the I.R.S. The only people missing in that equation are George Steinbrenner, Donald Trump, and Osama bin Laden.


Since you asked:
There was a commercial or a skit traveling around emails that showed what would happen if a paint store did business like the airlines. Guy walks in, asks to buy a gallon of white paint. The clerk asks when he needs to use it, when the customer says today, the clerk jacks the price by triple. And since it is a very popular color they charge more. So when the guy decides to use an usual color instead they charge him even more and so on and so forth.

Northwest Airlines is now charging $15 if you specify a seat. Want to sit near the window? Oh, OK, that’s $15. Even if you ask for the dreaded middle seat, they whack you with $15. That’s like a restaurant charging to use their plate. What happens if they happen to assign you an aisle seat? No extra charge. But if you let them know that you wanted it in the first place? $15.

Forever airlines lived off the fat of the business expense account so they got lazy; the people who did most of the flying didn’t care what it cost. Now that the tax laws have gotten stiffer and business are actually watching what they spend, and, thanks to teleconferencing and other technological communication advances, business people are flying less. And the businesses that do need to fly are finding it cheaper to charter their own damn planes rather than get stiffed by the airlines.

And yet the airlines continue to whine about how hard it is for them to make money. When you try and bilk your best customers for every nickel and dime you can, what do you expect? Oh you fly a lot and you need to fly at short notice? Hang on while we figure out new ways to screw you.

About last night, can I say one thing? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Fell asleep with about five minutes to go in the Gonzaga-UCLA game. Oh, well, no big deal, UCLA was losing by about 12. Woke up this morning to see in the paper if they lost by more than 12. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! UCLA won, 93-91. What the . . .?

No problem, I recorded it on the blessed TiVo. Start watching and what happens? It stopped recording with three minutes left. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that UCLA won, but I got seriously jacked with twice. Blessed TiVo, why hath thou forsaken me?

TiVo recordings are like condoms, you need to leave a little more room than you need at the very end.

Sorry, was that outloud?