Wednesday, November 02, 2005


We gonna roll up on it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

All in one
Michael Jackson’s Never Land Ranch is up for sale. The estate comes complete with an amusement park, a working miniature train, horse stables and Tito Jackson.

Such a deal
Starbucks is featuring quotes on their coffee cups, like, for example coffee financing rate quotes.

Or something like that
This week at CBS, 88-year-old Mike Wallace and 74-year-old Dan Rather got into a shouting match in the men’s room when they were at the urinals. They were both shouting; “I’m so old I can hardly pee.”

Beating this dead horse
George Takei, who played Sulu on Star Trek, announced that he is gay and has had a long time lover who is a guy. Star Trek fans were shocked. They had never, ever, heard the term “long time lover” before.

George Takei, who played Sulu on Star Trek announced that he is gay. This explains that time Sulu applied the Vulcan death grip to Spock’s ass.

We kid the President
The Federal Reserve has raised interest rates a quarter of a point; when asked if he thought a rate increase at this juncture was an over-reaction to stymie inflation or if the increase was simply growth accommodative, President Bush blinked and said; “I like biscuits.”

Swopes hoops, and we kid and have liked the Sheryl since her Mastercard commercial
WNBA star Sheryl Swopes came out of the closet and announced she is gay; I am shocked. That’s amazing, I had no idea the WNBA was still around.

WNBA star Sheryl Swopes came out of the closet and announced she is gay; this is vital information to all of those male groupies who flock to WNBA games. All three of them.

WNBA star Sheryl Swopes came out of the closet and announced she is gay; and here I thought it was unimportant when the guy who played Sulu on Star Trek announced he was gay.

WNBA star Sheryl Swopes came out of the closet and announced she is gay; wow, this is shocking information, now I don’t know how I will react the next time I don’t watch a WNBA game.

Since you asked:
Believe or not, loyal readers, this little attempt to provide a few free grins has come under fire from some apparently very important self-titled comedy experts. Oh well, to them let me quote our feisty 26th president:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

That’s right, I hung a Teddy R. quote on them.

But seriously, if you are a fan or not, thanks for reading all the same. Although I admit it happens way too much in here, nobody deliberately ever tried to write a bad joke. Well, except maybe for Andy Kaufman, but he had big brass ones. Just try to remember that writing jokes is a lot like baseball: hit .300 and you go to the Hall of Fame. That and you get to spit and scratch yourself a lot.