Oh, I know they didn’t just get all up on it in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Looking on the bright side. Get it? The Bright Side? Oh, I kill me . . .
In health news, the FDA is investigating claims that Viagra can cause blindness; the good news? When you’re blind on Viagra, you won’t run into the wall.
The FDA is investigating claims that Viagra can cause blindness. When told Viagra can cause blindness, Star Jones new husband proclaimed; “Oh, sweet relief, I hope so.”
Hey Ranchers did you hear that Viagra can cause blindness? Ranchers, I’m over here.
Did you hear? Stevie Wonder took Viagra. Now he can see.
Uh, Sir, that’s not what the, oh forget it . . .
It was awkward when President Bush was asked if he had seen “Revenge of the Sith” Bush said, no, he still hasn’t seen the one before it: “Revenge of the Fith.”
Indianapolis News flash
This just in: due to the angry objections of a tiny minority of a Native American tribe, next year’s Indianapolis 500 will now be called the Native American-polis 500.
Hate that when that happens
Did you have a good Memorial weekend? I had a rough Memorial Day; I burned all the hamburgers and hot dogs at our barbeque because I couldn’t see them: I’d gone temporarily blind from Viagra.
Uh, Sir, that’s not what the, oh forget it . . .
President Bush gave the commencement address at the Naval Academy. It was a little awkward when Bush said; “The time has come for you to stop studying your Navels and get out in the real world.
Well, now, that makes sense
Oliver Stone was arrested for his second D.U.I. and drug possession. At least this explains “Alexander” the guy obviously filmed it stoned off his ass.
Rookie mistake
Danica Patrick who led three times for 19 laps finished a close fourth in the Indianapolis 500. It was so close in the end Danica, regretted having stopped earlier in the race for a Non-fat Caramel Latte at Starbucks, or she could have won.
Another news flash from Indianapolis
This also just in, due to the angry objections of a tiny minority called “Citizens for Indiana Traditions,” the now-titled Native American-polis 500 will, once again, be called the Indianapolis 500.
We can dream, can’t we?
You know, San Diego has proven they can host the Super Bowl, the World Series. So who knows, maybe someday we can host the Indianapolis 500?
While they were at it
The French voted down the European Union constitution. In addition, the French also voted down the general theories and practices of both hygiene and politeness.
In addition, the citizens of Paris voted down the union of Paris Hilton and Paris Lastis.
Here we go again
This now just in: An angry minority of the severely mathematically challenged have demanded that the 500 be removed from the name Indianapolis 500 so now it is known as the Indianapolis Long Race.
That explains it
Hotel heiress and "The Simple Life" reality TV star Paris Hilton is engaged to her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. Apparently what attracted the two is that both Paris’ loved they way the other Paris called out the name Paris during sex.
Can’t wait for the wedding and the cocked-puppy confused look by Paris Hilton when the minister asks; “Do you, Paris, take thee, Paris to love Paris for as long as Paris lives, Paris?”
This won’t be a wedding, it will be a “Who’s On First?” routine.
“Do you, Paris, take Paris . . .” “Who, me, Paris?” “No, not you, Paris, the other Paris.” “Me, Paris?” “No, not you, Paris, Paris.”
OK, this is getting old
This now just in: An angry minority of grade school math teachers demand that the 500 be returned to the Indianapolis Long Race, so now it is called, once again, the Indianapolis 500.
N-E-R-D
ESPN has been advertising their broadcast of the Scripps spelling bee championship by showing the contestants: “Wedgie. W-E-D-G-I-E. Wedgie.”
Cost cutting
Northwest Airlines has stopped giving out free pretzels in order to save money; They’ll still give you the salt from the pretzels, they’re not that cheap, just not the pretzels.
Not flying solo it appears
A new book claims that American aviator Charles Lindbergh had three German mistresses simultaneously and seven secret children. Clearly, flying is about the only thing Lindbergh did single-handed.
Oh, just get it over with for the love of decency
This just in: an angry group of Indianapolis area sign makers are upset over having to change the signs from Indianapolis 500 to Native American-apolis 500 back to Indianapolis 500 to Indianapolis Long Race and finally back to Indianapolis 500, again, so they have decided to name next year’s race: JIMMY.
Not contrite
A Senate committee is considering a bill that would offer a formal apology from the government to American Indians. I’m not sure the apology is sincere: “Dear American Indians. The U.S. Government is really, really sorry. Now can we tax your gaming profits?”
And maybe Gilbert Godfrey
Paris Hilton says that that she would rather date someone who can make her laugh than someone who is good looking. With the possible exception of Carrot Top.
Now you are just trying to piss us off
This just in: A group titled “The Name is James” have objected to the Indianapolis sign makers changing the name of next year’s race to JIMMY, so, oh forget it . . .
Since you asked:
Yes, it’s been awhile but I have a new pet peeve: People who let you stand in back of them because you think they are in line, but they are not, as it turns out, in line.
Hey, human cholesterol. You think I just want to stand in back of you for fun? Why do you think I am in back of you? Because you look like you’re standing in line. No? You're not in line? Then tell me you’re not in line or GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY.
Looking on the bright side. Get it? The Bright Side? Oh, I kill me . . .
In health news, the FDA is investigating claims that Viagra can cause blindness; the good news? When you’re blind on Viagra, you won’t run into the wall.
The FDA is investigating claims that Viagra can cause blindness. When told Viagra can cause blindness, Star Jones new husband proclaimed; “Oh, sweet relief, I hope so.”
Hey Ranchers did you hear that Viagra can cause blindness? Ranchers, I’m over here.
Did you hear? Stevie Wonder took Viagra. Now he can see.
Uh, Sir, that’s not what the, oh forget it . . .
It was awkward when President Bush was asked if he had seen “Revenge of the Sith” Bush said, no, he still hasn’t seen the one before it: “Revenge of the Fith.”
Indianapolis News flash
This just in: due to the angry objections of a tiny minority of a Native American tribe, next year’s Indianapolis 500 will now be called the Native American-polis 500.
Hate that when that happens
Did you have a good Memorial weekend? I had a rough Memorial Day; I burned all the hamburgers and hot dogs at our barbeque because I couldn’t see them: I’d gone temporarily blind from Viagra.
Uh, Sir, that’s not what the, oh forget it . . .
President Bush gave the commencement address at the Naval Academy. It was a little awkward when Bush said; “The time has come for you to stop studying your Navels and get out in the real world.
Well, now, that makes sense
Oliver Stone was arrested for his second D.U.I. and drug possession. At least this explains “Alexander” the guy obviously filmed it stoned off his ass.
Rookie mistake
Danica Patrick who led three times for 19 laps finished a close fourth in the Indianapolis 500. It was so close in the end Danica, regretted having stopped earlier in the race for a Non-fat Caramel Latte at Starbucks, or she could have won.
Another news flash from Indianapolis
This also just in, due to the angry objections of a tiny minority called “Citizens for Indiana Traditions,” the now-titled Native American-polis 500 will, once again, be called the Indianapolis 500.
We can dream, can’t we?
You know, San Diego has proven they can host the Super Bowl, the World Series. So who knows, maybe someday we can host the Indianapolis 500?
While they were at it
The French voted down the European Union constitution. In addition, the French also voted down the general theories and practices of both hygiene and politeness.
In addition, the citizens of Paris voted down the union of Paris Hilton and Paris Lastis.
Here we go again
This now just in: An angry minority of the severely mathematically challenged have demanded that the 500 be removed from the name Indianapolis 500 so now it is known as the Indianapolis Long Race.
That explains it
Hotel heiress and "The Simple Life" reality TV star Paris Hilton is engaged to her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. Apparently what attracted the two is that both Paris’ loved they way the other Paris called out the name Paris during sex.
Can’t wait for the wedding and the cocked-puppy confused look by Paris Hilton when the minister asks; “Do you, Paris, take thee, Paris to love Paris for as long as Paris lives, Paris?”
This won’t be a wedding, it will be a “Who’s On First?” routine.
“Do you, Paris, take Paris . . .” “Who, me, Paris?” “No, not you, Paris, the other Paris.” “Me, Paris?” “No, not you, Paris, Paris.”
OK, this is getting old
This now just in: An angry minority of grade school math teachers demand that the 500 be returned to the Indianapolis Long Race, so now it is called, once again, the Indianapolis 500.
N-E-R-D
ESPN has been advertising their broadcast of the Scripps spelling bee championship by showing the contestants: “Wedgie. W-E-D-G-I-E. Wedgie.”
Cost cutting
Northwest Airlines has stopped giving out free pretzels in order to save money; They’ll still give you the salt from the pretzels, they’re not that cheap, just not the pretzels.
Not flying solo it appears
A new book claims that American aviator Charles Lindbergh had three German mistresses simultaneously and seven secret children. Clearly, flying is about the only thing Lindbergh did single-handed.
Oh, just get it over with for the love of decency
This just in: an angry group of Indianapolis area sign makers are upset over having to change the signs from Indianapolis 500 to Native American-apolis 500 back to Indianapolis 500 to Indianapolis Long Race and finally back to Indianapolis 500, again, so they have decided to name next year’s race: JIMMY.
Not contrite
A Senate committee is considering a bill that would offer a formal apology from the government to American Indians. I’m not sure the apology is sincere: “Dear American Indians. The U.S. Government is really, really sorry. Now can we tax your gaming profits?”
And maybe Gilbert Godfrey
Paris Hilton says that that she would rather date someone who can make her laugh than someone who is good looking. With the possible exception of Carrot Top.
Now you are just trying to piss us off
This just in: A group titled “The Name is James” have objected to the Indianapolis sign makers changing the name of next year’s race to JIMMY, so, oh forget it . . .
Since you asked:
Yes, it’s been awhile but I have a new pet peeve: People who let you stand in back of them because you think they are in line, but they are not, as it turns out, in line.
Hey, human cholesterol. You think I just want to stand in back of you for fun? Why do you think I am in back of you? Because you look like you’re standing in line. No? You're not in line? Then tell me you’re not in line or GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY.
posted by Alex at
1:08 PM
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