Friday, February 04, 2005

This hizzy be slammin’ now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Snoop scoop

A TV make-up artist has sued Snoop Dogg charging him with rape. When asked to comment on the charge, Snoop Dogg said; “That’s a load of crapizzy.”

On the “To do” list
On “Larry King Live” Def. Sec. Donald Rumsfeld revealed he turned in his letter of resignation twice but President Bush refused to let him quit. Actually, Bush didn’t refuse to let him quit, he never really got around to reading the letter.

It’s a good thing
The New York Post reveals that Martha Stewart has lost 20 pounds since being in prison. Apparently Martha’s been on Jenny Craig. Not the diet plan, an inmate named Jenny Craig.

How cold is it?
It’s been cold back east this winter. It’s so cold people are shaking like the Philadelphia Eagles team doctor.

Fry like an Eagle
Not many people are giving the Philadelphia Eagles a chance against the seven point favorite New England Patriots. The Eagles have never seen a point spread against them that big. In fact, that’s the biggest spread Eagle since Paris Hilton’s video.

An article last week in Sports Illustrated revealed that, in order to try and get possession of a fumble, in a pile up, NFL players will grab another player’s testicles to get him to let go. That brings a whole new and ugly meaning to the term going for the ball.

Martha Stewart is watching the Super Bowl in prison. Oh yeah, Martha’s a big football fan. She bet on the Eagles and took the seven points. Martha said she hasn’t seen a spread that wide since her first night in prison.

Do the math
You can now buy a cell phone that allows you to talk to your dog. The bad news? For every minute you talk to your dog, you get charged for seven minutes in dog years.

It’s about time
A company in Switzerland has produced a beer for gay people called Queer Beer. And I say it’s about time they had a gay beer. Ugly gay people deserve to have sex too, you know.

In reflection
Many people feel the New England Patriots reflect the personality of their coach, Bill Belichick. Here’s my question: In order for a personality to reflect, doesn’t there actually have to be one?

Now, I don’t want to say that New England Patriot coach Bill Belichick is dull, but Belichick makes John Kerry look like Regis Philbin.