Monday, February 07, 2005

Oh, we had our Super Bizzle on Sundizzy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

We kid the Roseanne gold digger
Fox’s Super Bowl broadcast was very conservative. The only boob they revealed was Tom Arnold.

They took the lame road
Fox went very conservative on Super Bowl Sunday. You know a broadcast is conservative when the only skin exposed is on Terry Bradshaw’s head.

Fox went very conservative on Super Bowl Sunday. Fox actually changed the name of “The Best Damn Sports Show Period” to “The Best Darn Sports Show Period.” In addition, they are going to change the name of their show from “Hell’s Kitchen” to “Heck’s Kitchen.”

We kid the Commander in Chief
After 38 years in power, the president of the African nation of Togo, President Gnassingbe Eyadema, died at 69. It was awkward when President Bush was informed. He said “That’s too bad, Togo makes great sandwiches.”

Again, what? What’d I say?
There’s a Swiss beer marketed for gay people called Queer Beer. It’s available in a Pale ale or an Amber, but most of the guys prefer it in the Pale.

And I say it’s about time they had a gay beer. Ugly gay people deserve to have sex too, you know.

Not the best choice of words
At a speech in Queens, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg was heckled by gays for saying he would appeal a ruling in favor of gay marriage. Bloomberg didn’t help things much when he yelled back, “Be quiet, Queens.”

A study shows the day after the Super Bowl is one of the least productive business days of the year resulting in an estimated billion in lost revenue. Or something like that, I was too tired and hung-over to read the whole study.

How about those Pats?
New England and Boston are the champions in football and baseball. Or as they call that if it happened in Chicago: a cold day in hell.

101 days after Boston won the World Series, New England won the Super Bowl. Or as they call that in Chicago, the 101 days that will never, ever happen.

Jose Conseco has a new-steroid-tell-all book where he claims he stuck a steroid needle in home run record holder Mark McGwire’s naked behind in a bathroom stall. I’ll take “Horrible images I’ll never get out of my head” for five hundred, Alex.

Pat Riots
Despite winning three out of four Super Bowls, personality dynamo New England Patriot coach Bill Billichick refuses to acknowledge his team’s dynasty. Listen, Bill, when ten of your players need to be treated for Gatorade dumping repetitive motion injuries, you’ve got a dynasty.

They asked New Englander John Kerry what he thought about the New England Patriots Super Bowl win. Kerry said it was a great win and that Dick Cheney’s daughter is still a lesbian.

Since you asked:
Who says the Internet isn’t great? Heard from another great old friend (Welcome Jooch) from my past who found my pathetic Blog via the Google. (I had an odd feeling I was being Googled)

(Incidentally, if you had said he found my Blog via the Google ten years ago, you'd be facing various charges of obscenity)

My pathetic comedy Blog is actually tying great people from my past life together as one and uniting them in the name of suffering through truly mediocre comedy. (Sniff) I’m so proud.

Another thought on the Internet. For the record again, I think it is truly embarrassing and deplorable that possibly the greatest invention for the advancement of communication ever, the Internet, is being used so extensively to proliferate the degenerate use of pornography. And one more thing. Just because two women appear in various degrees of undress together in a photo, if they aren’t actually doing anything, they don’t qualify as lesbians.