You better Lex yourself before you wrecks yourself, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Bitch
In a shock, the “clean living Stone” drummer Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts was diagnosed with throat cancer. They think he’ll be OK, hopefully. Of course, calling somebody the “clean living Stone” is like calling Jeb “the smart Bush.”
Scream Team
The U.S. Olympic men’s basketball team said their huge loss to Italy before the games was a wakeup call. What they didn’t say was, after the wakeup call, they hung up, swigged another honor-bar mini vodka bottle and rolled back to sleep until the maids came in to clean up.
Most of the top NBA players didn’t compete for the US because they were afraid of an anti-American terrorist act, and, boy, were they right. The remaining NBA player’s Olympic loss to Puerto Rico was a terrifying act of anti-Americanism.
How low is it?
Attendance at some of the Olympic venues is low. In fact, at one point, the attendance at the gymnastics venue was so low, the events had to be stopped and declared a Montreal Expos game.
Putting the Ew into New Jersey, you persons
Since announcing he is gay, James McGreevey has declared the entire state of New Jersey in a national state of emergency queer makeover.
There are going to be some makeovers in New Jersey now that Gov. James McGreevey has declared he is gay. For example the Holland Tunnel will now be named the Netherland Passageway; the New Jersey Turnpike will be the Garden State Thoroughfare, and the town of Fort Dix, well, that will stay the same.
In one of his first acts as governor since announcing he is gay, James McGreevey has sent the New Jersey town of Rahway an emergency shipment of lubricants.
Like a sieve
Christina Aguilera announced she has removed all of her piercings. Sadly, after diving into a pool Christina emerged leaking like evidence from the Kobe Bryant defense team.
Since you asked:
Talk about unfair. Poor Charlie Watts. Keith Richards hasn’t spent a waking minute without a smoke or a cocktail in his life, and he had a heroine addiction the size of Turkey and yet he still runs around jamming on stage with his shirt off. Yes, his face is a little craggy, but so is John Kerry’s.
Has anyone else noticed a certain medical phenomenon? After somebody goes clean, that’s when they get sick. Look at all the people who smoked, quit and THEN got lung cancer. How about the ones who quit drinking, like Mickey Mantle and David Crosby, and THEN got liver cancer?
Now, I’m not a doctor - and I don’t play one on T.V. – but even I can figure this one out: the body, almost no matter how nasty the physical habit, can adapt and fight along. But once it is in that fight-along-mode and the thing it is fighting is taken away, booze, or smoke, or whatever, then it breaks down.
What am I saying? Bad habits will probably catch up to you sooner or later, but why rush the process? Like I always say, all things in moderation including, from time to time, moderation.
Not that we needed anymore proof
Even though we knew that NBA players are spoiled brats (See: Kobe Bryant) it his hard to imagine why more top players didn’t play for our Olympic team. While tens of millions of Americans can only dream of participating in the Olympics, these guys get a paid vacation across Europe culminating in a stay at a seaside Mediterranean resort. Oh, and there is that whole honor-of-representing-your-country-in-the-biggest-sporting-event-in-the-world thing, yadda, yadda, yadda, yeah, whatever.
That tears it, I have watched my last NBA game. Unless a cool team makes the playoffs, that is.
As for the Cubs, I have decided to take my medicine early. It's over. Well, it's not over, over, but it's over. Don't get me wrong, if they do make the wild card, I am still and always with them all the way; I'm just saying, for my own psychological good, I am assuming their season is over. If there is a pleasant surprise, than I am all for it, as always.
But it's over. Damn, and Wrigley Field looked so damn cool last year with the bunting and the red leaves in the vines.
Bitch
In a shock, the “clean living Stone” drummer Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts was diagnosed with throat cancer. They think he’ll be OK, hopefully. Of course, calling somebody the “clean living Stone” is like calling Jeb “the smart Bush.”
Scream Team
The U.S. Olympic men’s basketball team said their huge loss to Italy before the games was a wakeup call. What they didn’t say was, after the wakeup call, they hung up, swigged another honor-bar mini vodka bottle and rolled back to sleep until the maids came in to clean up.
Most of the top NBA players didn’t compete for the US because they were afraid of an anti-American terrorist act, and, boy, were they right. The remaining NBA player’s Olympic loss to Puerto Rico was a terrifying act of anti-Americanism.
How low is it?
Attendance at some of the Olympic venues is low. In fact, at one point, the attendance at the gymnastics venue was so low, the events had to be stopped and declared a Montreal Expos game.
Putting the Ew into New Jersey, you persons
Since announcing he is gay, James McGreevey has declared the entire state of New Jersey in a national state of emergency queer makeover.
There are going to be some makeovers in New Jersey now that Gov. James McGreevey has declared he is gay. For example the Holland Tunnel will now be named the Netherland Passageway; the New Jersey Turnpike will be the Garden State Thoroughfare, and the town of Fort Dix, well, that will stay the same.
In one of his first acts as governor since announcing he is gay, James McGreevey has sent the New Jersey town of Rahway an emergency shipment of lubricants.
Like a sieve
Christina Aguilera announced she has removed all of her piercings. Sadly, after diving into a pool Christina emerged leaking like evidence from the Kobe Bryant defense team.
Since you asked:
Talk about unfair. Poor Charlie Watts. Keith Richards hasn’t spent a waking minute without a smoke or a cocktail in his life, and he had a heroine addiction the size of Turkey and yet he still runs around jamming on stage with his shirt off. Yes, his face is a little craggy, but so is John Kerry’s.
Has anyone else noticed a certain medical phenomenon? After somebody goes clean, that’s when they get sick. Look at all the people who smoked, quit and THEN got lung cancer. How about the ones who quit drinking, like Mickey Mantle and David Crosby, and THEN got liver cancer?
Now, I’m not a doctor - and I don’t play one on T.V. – but even I can figure this one out: the body, almost no matter how nasty the physical habit, can adapt and fight along. But once it is in that fight-along-mode and the thing it is fighting is taken away, booze, or smoke, or whatever, then it breaks down.
What am I saying? Bad habits will probably catch up to you sooner or later, but why rush the process? Like I always say, all things in moderation including, from time to time, moderation.
Not that we needed anymore proof
Even though we knew that NBA players are spoiled brats (See: Kobe Bryant) it his hard to imagine why more top players didn’t play for our Olympic team. While tens of millions of Americans can only dream of participating in the Olympics, these guys get a paid vacation across Europe culminating in a stay at a seaside Mediterranean resort. Oh, and there is that whole honor-of-representing-your-country-in-the-biggest-sporting-event-in-the-world thing, yadda, yadda, yadda, yeah, whatever.
That tears it, I have watched my last NBA game. Unless a cool team makes the playoffs, that is.
As for the Cubs, I have decided to take my medicine early. It's over. Well, it's not over, over, but it's over. Don't get me wrong, if they do make the wild card, I am still and always with them all the way; I'm just saying, for my own psychological good, I am assuming their season is over. If there is a pleasant surprise, than I am all for it, as always.
But it's over. Damn, and Wrigley Field looked so damn cool last year with the bunting and the red leaves in the vines.
posted by Alex at
11:16 AM
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