Thursday, September 19, 2002

Keep it real, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

L. Dennis Kozlowski, charged with looting $600 million from Tyco International Inc. when chairman of the conglomerate, will not face jail. His ex-wife posted $10 million in bail. Gosh, I wonder where they got the money? They should place the bail at $600 million and hope he skips.

A European study suggests that germs in household dust can actually help protect children from developing hay fever or asthma. Guys are going to run with that information:

“No I didn’t sweep the garage. You trying to kill our kids? They need this dust.”

"Bullet" Bob Hayes, Olympic gold medallist and former Dallas Cowboy passed away at 59. Hayes' 100 meter split in the Rome 400 meters relay was an amazing 8.6. That is so fast that Hayes finished the race younger then when he started it. His 8.6 burst was so fast he ran through himself and had to finish the race going backwards. How fast was Hayes? Even though he is dead, Hayes is still faster than most people.

Have you seen these ads for “previously owned”, cars or furniture? They claim that the items are “knew to you.” Knew to you? The great wall of China is new to you if you haven’t seen it.

If you ask me, "The Dr. Phil Show" has about as much chance to survive as the FBI does of capturing Osama bin Laden eating wings at the Sheboygan Hooters.

Speaking of self-rightous blow-hards, in an ugly disagreement with the publisher, Rosie O’Donnell has walked away from the “Rosie” magazine. Rosie ran out on the magazine almost as fast as she did the day somebody muttered the word Antrax at the NBC studios. They are still going to call the magazine "Rosie" but now it's about the Jetson's robot maid.

Bill Clinton is looking to hire interns for his New York office. The women candidates must be able to type, file, work the phones and bench press at least 325 pounds.

The online smiley face is twenty years old. It’s used when the sender is trying to convey that something is funny. I know what you are thinking, I should try it. Very funny.