What it was, what it shall be, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Today a security guard testified Winona Ryder claimed she was preparing for an acting role when she was arrested on suspicion of shoplifting at the posh Saks Fifth Avenue store. And now Nick Nolte claims his drunk driving arrest was due to his preparing for his role in the upcoming; “The Ted Kennedy” story.

Scientists say they have found the burial box of Jesus' younger brother James. That's got to be a lot of pressure, don't you think? Jesus' younger brother? Why even try? James had to be the first person in history to have a tattoo and a black leather jacket.

"Hey, yo, it’s Jimmy Christ.

After a few weeks of a rally, the stock market was down big today. Apparently corporate earnings are way down. Well, not all corporate earning, but after producing “Swept Away” Sony pictures earnings are down so much they dragged the rest of the market with it.

El Cajon, CA police stopped a speeding car early Sunday and found the passenger dead from apparent stab wounds. The driver was not considered a murder suspect, but he was charged with illegally driving in the car pool lane.

The folks behind the Got Milk? advertising campaign are trying to get a town to name itself Got Milk? Let’s hope they have more luck the makers of Viagra who tried to get a town to name itself Got Wood?

To be candid, now that that awesome seven game World Series is over I miss it; I want to reach out and touch it and yet I come away with an odd empty feeling. Kind of like the doctor giving a physical to the steroided-out Barry Bonds after the turn-and-cough test.

The World Series is barely over, and already the Anaheim Angels have some bad off-season news. Turns out the Rally Monkey was charged with disturbing the peace and domestic abuse after getting drunk and throwing feces at his girlfriend.

Here is my question: what does the Rally Monkey do during the off season? Do they rent him out for corporate picnics? “

“Yeah, Qualcom was losing the three-legged race to Nokia, but Qualcom’s personnel department hired the Rally Monkey, out he came, and Qualcom won at the very end.”

The NBA regular season is under way. Or as the NBA regular season has come to be known: those series of meaningless games before the Los Angeles Lakers win the Championship.