The good news, Torn Whores and Nugget Ranchers, is that they decided that the Canadian skating team will be awarded a gold medal. The even better news is that the gold medal will be made from the fillings of the French Judge’s teeth.

A Russian skater won the Olympic Men’s Figure skating gold medal. What a shock. I glanced at the figure skating rulebook, and the way it works is that in order for a Russian to lose, they would have to come out, down a fifth of Vodka, flip off the judges, and then take a nap at center ice for the duration of their routine. After he finished his gold medal winning skate, Russian Alexei Yugadan, bent over and kissed the ice. Apparently he had met and kissed Hillary Clinton earlier and he needed to warm up his lips.

Former Yugoslav president Slobodan Milosevic told the Tribunal trying him for war crimes that it was not competent to judge him. He’s not worried about being convicted; he bribed the French Judge.