Saturday, January 10, 2009

Can I get a what what from the gut gut, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

A real dog

With the success of “Marley & Me” Hollywood is in a rush to green light dog movies. One that doesn’t sound so great is about a guy who ends up losing his dog in a football bet. It’s called “Parlay & Me.”


San Diego is playing Pittsburgh and you could not ask for two more disparate cities. Both are great, but for different reasons, so let’s do the math.

(It was awkward, when President Bush heard Pittsburgh and San Diego described as disparate, he said “You mean like the housewives on Hysteria Lane?”

Ron Burgandy’s definition notwithstanding, San Diego is Spanish for Saint James. Pittsburgh is old English for a town named Pitt. One point San Diego.

San Diegans like extra foam, non-fat, double pumped vanilla lattes. Pittsburghians drink black Joe out of a plaid thermos. Point for Pittsburgh.

San Diegans love seared ahi tuna with wasabe al fresco. Pittsburghians don’t know nor care what half of those words mean. One point Pittsburgh.

San Diego surfs. Pittsburgh ice fishes. You can drink when you ice fish. One point Pittsburgh.

San Diego has lots of animals in their zoo and Wild Animal Park. Pittsburgh’s Troy Polamalu has a wild animal sticking out of the back of his helmet. Tie.

San Diego is known for their fish tacos. Pittsburgh is known for making jokes about fish tacos. Even.

Pittsburgh is known for its symphony and ballet. Guys in San Diego call going to their many strip clubs “Going to the ballet.” One point San Diego.

And finally,

San Diego’s weather is described as temperate. Pittsburgh’s weather is described as divine retribution. Two points San Diego to make it a tie.