Monday, December 05, 2005

We loves us some som

We loves us some some up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Thursday night Oprah was on Dave. And Paris was on Aaron, Chuck, Stan and Louie
Thursday, for the first time in 16-years, Oprah was on Dave. And also last night, for the first time in 16 years, Bill was on Hillary.

Double the fun
“The Dukes of Hazard” is out on DVD. It is rumored that Jessica Simpson used a butt double for the movie: a substitute model for the close up shots of her butt. That’s not unusual in Hollywood, a lot of actresses use a butt double. Except for Jennifer Lopez, she is her own butt double.

What a coincidence
Former Dallas Cowboy-turned-ESPN analyst Michael Irvin, was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, a crack pipe. Irvin said the pipe belonged to a friend. Turns out Irvin’s friend is the same guy who injected steroids into Raphael Palmeiro without telling him.

Not a good look
The FAA announced this week that once again it will be okay to carry scissors and tweezers on-board airplanes. This is good news. Some of those flight attendants were starting to look like Andy Rooney.

You make a dead man . . .
Ex-Mick Jagger wife Jerry Hall will be a spokesperson for an erectile dysfunction drug maker. No word yet if she will get to use the Stones song “Start Me Up.”

Nice touch
One of the hot items on the Sharper Image catalog is a realistic looking and sounding chimp. And, for an extra $100, it will fling real poo.

Paris Hilton has come out with a line of diamond and gold watches that start at $100,000. The price includes a 1-800 number that you can call to help you read the watch. “OK, now where is the big hand? OK, and the little hand? That would make it five o’clock, Paris. No problem.”

Paris Hilton has come out with a line of diamond and gold watches that start at $100,000. You never have to set the Paris Hilton watch, it is always Sex O’Clock.

Because we can’t offend anyone anymore, they now have to call the White House Christmas tree a Holiday tree. Why can’t we just call it the Suck-Up-to-Idiots-Who-Live-to-Be-Offended Tree.

We now have our 14th hurricane of the season, Epsilon; this hurricane is like that last party guest that asks if you have any more cheese puffs when you are putting on your pajamas. Get out.

Would somebody please yell out last call for hurricanes? OK, hurricanes, let’s go, you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

Finally saw the Johnny Cash biopic “Walk the Line” last night. I think the full title was ‘Walk the Line to the Pharmacy.” The guy was on speed the whole time. Cash was so wired it was like watching Regis Philbin at last call at Starbucks.

Cash was more cranked up than Tom Arnold waiting for Roseanne’s alimony check to show up.