Monday, May 14, 2018

I got my eye on you, Jayquellenn, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

For the 14th time in ten years, a human foot in a running shoe has washed up on a Vancouver beach. The wildest coincidence is the name of the beach is Sneakers.

Truth be told, Ivanka thinks the Gaza Strip is an option for a bikini wax.

In a speech on Mother's Day, Donald Trump praised his late mother, but did not mention Melania. Trump's memory does not always Be Best.

A Florida man tried to hide his legless girlfriend, wanted for armed robbery, in a plastic storage bin. Ironically the woman is standing by her alibi.

For the 14th time in ten years, a severed foot in a running shoe has washed up on a Vancouver beach. Police are upset they cannot solve this and they are kicking themselves.

The Supreme Court struck down a ban on sports betting in New Jersey in a win for Chris Christie. Now Christie can place a bet to cover the spread. Covering the spread is something Christie's pants can't do.

For the 14th time in ten years, a human foot in a running shoe has washed up on a Vancouver beach. Police are out of step with this crime.

For the 14th time in ten years, a human foot in a running shoe has washed up on a Vancouver beach. Police cannot get a foothold on this crime.

The NHL has warned, Bruin, Brad Marchand, not to lick players anymore. Next time he does it he'll get more than a tongue-lashing.

Since you asked:

Saw the documentary on Elvis on HBO, “The Searcher.” Besides great, insightful and thoughtful interviews with Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen and Emmylou Harris, I thought it was done on the cheap. Stock archival footage, cheap graphics. 

But the early Elvis stuff was amazing. Somehow Elvis’s worst enemy was his own fame and image. Lost was the fact that this was an amazing singer, performer and guitar player.

Never was a huge Elvis fan. Way too late the party. By the time I came along cool was the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin, Elvis was a Karate kicking Las Vegas snarling joke in a sequined jump suit with a ridiculous collar. Elvis desire to go back to gospel was always a rub for me. 

But that 1968 comeback TV special with Elvis in the black leather jacket jamming with his buddies was awe inspiring. His talent was boundless. It is nothing less than a tragedy that a cornball sleaze-bag like Colonel Parker took control of Elvis's career and steered it in all the sleaziest directions. Cheap trinkets, bad movies, Las Vegas.  

One thing the documentary pointed out was what a colossal prick and egomaniac Steve Allen was. To invite a sweet guy like Elvis on his show to humiliate him is unforgivable. 

And everyone who was great loved Elvis to pieces, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Bruce Springsteen, Bono. For both good and tacky, Elvis was the quintessential American hero. 

Radle, Whitlock, Clapton and Gordon

How brutal is rock and roll? 

Arguably the greatest rock and roll band ever convened never made it big.

Sure, there are fairly talentless bands* who find their own crappy niche, like Kiss and Jefferson Starship, but they are the exceptions. There are countless great, talented bands like Little Feet, Crazy Horse The Flying Burrito Brothers, who never made it big. 

Like I said, arguably the greatest band ever convened - and it is a strong argument - Derek and the Dominos never amounted to anything close to long term success.

After a crappy launch, their first album, “Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs” only started selling once “Layla” and “Bell Bottom Blues” finally got airplay. 

Bobby Whitlock is an amazing keyboard player, singer and songwriter - he did the piano on the end of “Layla” which the corda was written by Jim Gordon, to give you an idea of the level of musical talent. 

Jim Gordon, a great drummer, and Carl Radle, a great bass player, were probably the best rhythm section ever. And this observation was from Eric Clapton who played with Jack Bruce and Ginger Baker, also whom Clapton was endless and effusive in his praise.

The difference was Radle and Gordon played well together. Baker and Bruce fought each other tooth and nail.  

And you had some guy playing guitar for the Dominos named Eric Clapton. Nobody would argue that musically Derek and the Dominos were far better at their instruments than anyone including the Stones, Led Zeppelin and the Beatles.

(Many mistakenly think Derek stands for combining first names of Eric Clapton and Duane Allman. It does not. They came up with the name Derek before Duane played on their "Layla" album in Miami) 

The Dominos fell victim to bad luck running head-first into serious heroin addicton from Clapton and Radle. And then mental illness when Jim Gordon was diagnosed as schizophrenic after bludgeoning his mother to death in a psychotic rage. (He is still in a prison mental institution)  

Bobby Whitlock went on to have success as a session musician in Los Angeles while living on a farm in Mississippi and then Texas.

But you have to feel Whitlock was the real victim here. Clapton never wanted fame, he just could not avoid it. Most other people who try to become rock stars want to be famous. 

But Kiss and Jefferson Starship genuinely sucked and sucked hard. The could not have sucked harder if they had rubber lips. 

Hard to say who was the most under-talented and over-rated, Grace Slick or Gene Simmons. 

But we do know both are world-class assholes. (We know this from my part in a radio interview of each) 

For reasons nobody can explain, when it came to success and longevity, the Dominos just could not deliver.


*This is leaving out the intentionally and utterly talentless Punk Rock fiasco