Monday, August 07, 2017

Quantasia Sharpton, the woman who is suing Usher for exposing her to herpes, held a press conference. She should be suing whoever exposed her to Twinkies.

In “Game of Thrones,” the debate between Jon Snow and Daenerys has led to more discussions on bending a knee then when Monica Lewinski was in the Oval Office with Clinton. 

A cannabis company is buying a California town, Tipton. Next they’re also looking at Bakersfield and Highland.

They’re not going to make any changes except for the name. Welcome to Snoop Dog USA.

“Game of Thrones” was intense. Especially when that evil Cersei caused Chris Pratt and Anna Faris to split up.

Tough entertainment weekend. Not sure when I cried harder, when I heard Chris Pratt and Anna Faris broke up or when Jaimie Lannister’s gold wagon burned up. 

A study says people become addicted to Facebook because it makes them feel good. Which also explains why nobody is addicted to a Stairmaster.

Did you see “Game of Thrones”? Now, I don’t want to say Jaime Lannister’s army got their butt kicked, but even the Cleveland Browns think they stunk.

Did you see “Game of Thrones”? Jaime Lannister’s army got their butt kicked. That’s what happens when you don’t campaign in Michigan or Wisconsin.

The latest “Game of Thrones” cliff-hanger raised questions: what will happen with Cersei? Will Jon Snow fall for Daenerys? Why does everyone have an English accent and an African American name?

Quantasia Sharpton, the woman suing Usher for exposing her to herpes, held a press conference. In a related story, millions of young boys quietly gave up their dream to be a pop star.

Since you asked:

Here is my updated official list of Chicago Cubs Nicknames:

Willson “The Barefoot” Conteras. 

Anthony “Rizzbone” Rizzo

Kris “K-Bear” Bryant

Ian “The Cubs are not” Happ “less.” 

Addison “Streeeeet” Russell

Javy “Joan” Baez

Ben “Zoobie” Zobrist

Kyle “The Schwarbarian” Schwarber

Jason “Weird-Beard” Hayward

Jake “The Snake” Arrieta

Alberto “I want to get back to my wife in” Almora. (“It's A Wonderful Life” reference) 

Jon “Jay-Bird” Jay

Kyle “Jimi” Hendricks.   

Fresh From The Factory of Political Metaphors

On the VP Pence shadow presidential campaign reported in “The New York Times.”

“The Vice President does not want to be seen measuring the curtains in the Oval Office.”

“Pence’s statement against the article was using a size 12 to kill a cockroach.”

“Pence’s statement was given to an audience of one.”

“Pence’s statement used a backhoe to kill an ant hill.”

“No QB wants to hear his receivers were practicing with his backup after practice.”

“No diva wants to bump into her understudy making out with the producer.” 

“When the golfer asks his caddy for the big dog, he doesn’t want him to give him a lob wedge.”

“No ship captain wants to yell, “Come about,” and have the first mate say, “Can we talk privately?” 

“No A-dog wants to get a B rating from the health inspector.”

So was I fat-shaming Quantasia Sharpton? Well, maybe. But it was that or Ho'/Idiot/Con-artist/Golddigger shaming.