Wednesday, June 07, 2017

“Wonder Woman” was amazing. Especially that scene where they had to drag a Vietnamese-American doctor off of her invisible jet. 

The owner of the biggest “Star Wars,” collection said he had $200,000 worth of items stolen. That is $200,000 he could have spent not going on dates.

In Australia, a horse, Horsey McHorseface, inspired by the English ship almost named Boaty McBoatface, won his first race. The horse Glue McGlueface did not do as well. Also rounding out the field were Covfefe McCovfefeface and Whaboom McWhaboomface. 

A “Forbes” article claims Donald Trump shifted donations for fighting children’s cancer into his business. “Oh, he’s good,” said Satan.

“Today” show rumor has a rift between Hoda and Kathy Lee. The rift must be bad because, if wine is a social lubricant, these two have enough to lubricate a waterpark. 

They revealed 15 features of the upcoming iPhone 8. But nine of the features are just explaining the word Covfefe.

George and Amal Clooney had twins, Ella and Alexander. Wait. What is with the weirdly normal names? No Gumdoodle or Parsnip? 

We found out what Cofveve was. It was the nickname of Caitlyn Jenner’s former penis.

“The” ranked the most promiscuous cities in the world and Paris was #2. You know which city was the most promiscuous? Whatever city has the most Kardashians in it. 

“Wonder Woman” made $100 million at the box office. But because she is a woman, she only gets to keep $83 million. 

In the Stanley Cup, Nashville Predator, PK Subban said Pittsburgh Penguin, Sidney Crosby, said he had bad breath, but he used Listerine. Added Subban, “After I used Listerine, I drove my Lexus to Whole Foods while listening to Sirius radio.”  


Colleen Campbell, the human piece of fetid poop that was arrested at a Philadelphia comedy club, deserves the misery she is about to endure. Just wait for her lawsuits against the club, the cops and her former employee. She should have a bounty on her head.

Please, media, do not ever employ Colleen Campbell ever again.