Wednesday, May 31, 2017

The police videos of Tiger Woods’s DUI arrest are out and they do not look good. Tiger is more confused than a Cleveland Brown in the end zone. 

The videos of Tiger Woods’s DUI arrest are out and they do not look good. Tiger is so out of it he cannot pronounce covfefe.

The police video’s of Tiger Woods’s DUI arrest are out and they do not look good. Tiger is so befuddled and out of it he could be an honorary Kardashian.

Hillary Clinton said she takes full responsibility for the decisions she made, but her decisions did not cost her the election. That’s like a baseball pitcher saying he’ll take the blame for the loss, but it was all the hitter’s fault.

A Florida man was cleared of murder charges after he claimed his girlfriend choked to death during oral sex, and he revealed, in court, his large penis as evidence.  Think the case was Florida Vs. Hugh Johnson. 

The band Boston is the cockroach of pop music. 

Love Don Henley, but beware of someone from West Texas who claims to be an intellectual. You end up with non-words like Colitas and Mercedes Bends. 

Since you asked;

Whenever I hop out of bed in the morning excited to see the brilliant idea I wrote down in the middle of the night, it ends up being something like, “Give chimps electric clippers to enhance their grooming technique.” 

Rock stars have to be great at so many things. Nobody was greater at more things than David Bowie. Singing. Dancing. Performing. Theatrics. Fashion. Writing. Recording. Producing. Promoting. Besides maybe Prince, nobody could do it all so well. 

But a huge talent in an artist is having an ear for what real people like. One of the best that springs to mind is Neal Young. Tom Petty too. They just had an ear for catchy tunes for lack of better words. 

High-brow musicians crack wise about Petty or Young’s three-chord simple songs, but Young and Petty simplified their way into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Just because a song is hard to play does not make it good. Just because it is easy to play does not make it bad.

Bruce Springsteen had that ear, but he over-thought it. The boss was constantly beating himself about selling out. Stevie Van Zandt used to be reduced to tears in the studio to get him to release a song that Bruce had deemed too pop-like. Finally Bruce released the ultimate downer, “Nebraska.” And then Van Zandt talked Bruce into releasing a double album of songs Bruce had rejected as too commercial. That was “Born in the USA.” 

Getting rich and famous does not seem to help the creative process of most rock stars. That why it was no accident Bruce got in a Trans Am and drove across the country stopping in local bars along the way before releasing "Born in the USA."

Was watching Aerosmith in a documentary with legendary talent-finder and amazing ear, producer Rick Ruben, and he said something to the band that resonated: 

“You have to get 16 in your head again.”

Paul McCartney had it when he was with John Lennon. But when they went their own way, McCartney with Wings was so annoyingly bubble-gum sounding, and John was weird and moody. 

Sting had the ear for what people liked and lost it. He turned into a castle-owning, wine-sipping, tantric sex snob and his music showed it. 

Don Henley and Glenn Frey were a great team. Henley was a great lyricist, Frey had a talent for taking other people’s clunker songs and turning them into hits. Separately Frey came up with sappy music like “Sexy Girl” and Henley was capable of over-thinking a song so much he recorded and released “Building the Perfect Beast” and named his album after it.  A song so over-wrought, clumsy and annoying I have never heard more than the first ten seconds of it before I have to shut it off. And I am a huge Henley fan.

Love Don Henley, but beware of someone from West Texas who claims to be an intellectual. You end up with non-words like Colitas. Mercedes Bends. Both of which Henley still sticks by his story he made them up on purpose. Bends, like diving bends?  Maybe. Colitas? No. 

If that mono-syllabic Cheeto-scrote, Trump can invent a word, I can too:


If you're still screaming for the head of a sweet little red-haired gal comedian who made a really bad joke? It says way more about you than it does what she did. 

Terry Frei was fired as a long-time sports reporter for the “Denver Post” for tweeting a joke about being uncomfortable with a Japanese winner of the Indy 500, Takuma Sato.

Once again, Frei is not being fired for being racist or insensitive, both of which he probably is being, he is being fired for being stupid. Anyone not smart enough not to tweet something like that does not deserve to have a high-paying job writing to the public.

Tiger Woods looks like he is so rich, powerful, isolated and so damaged he is well on his way to Howard Hughes’ing or Michael Jackson’ing his ass to becoming barking mad. Possibly, like Michael, an early grave.

Tiger needs to get married. He not only needs to get married, he needs to get married and eschew a prenuptial agreement so his wife has the teeth to tell him; 

“Listen, Eldrick Tont “Tiger” Woods, stop putting the dick in Eldrick.”  

Oh, and not that I am defending a billionaire brat’s poor choice of taking too many drugs and driving, but whey the hell are we watching Tiger’s police videos? Doesn’t everyone deserve privacy?

Why do people heap praise on Ivanka Trump? She is a better-than-average looking hair-salon-blonde woman who does not say something stupid each time she opens her mouth. Is our bar for the Trump clan so low that we glorify a woman who could be replaced by ten women working at a San Diego Neiman Marcus? 

Although I dislike Trump, listening to Hillary's latest blame-saying, it is clear she never got it. She doesn't get it. She will never get it. 

Big fan, but how did Bill Simmons go from a newspaper intern and bartending blogger to ESPN The Magazine Page 2 to ESPN to getting fired and alienating ESPN to writing for Jimmy Kimmel, HBO and a show so badly named, his biggest fan, Jimmy Kimmel, begged him to call it anything but "Amy Given Wednesday" and thus quickly cancelled,  to... ? 

How does an ego grow that fast? 

Still, Bill is or was editor of "" and he produced a few "30 For 30's" both connected to ESPN, and I hear he is still producing stuff and worth about $20 mil. So I am not worried about him.