Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Huge fan of both, but when did Marc the M turn into Mandy the P? 

Today is Ash Wednesday. Or as I call it, “Hey Pal, you got some stuff on your, oh, crap, I’m an idiot,” Day. 

Casey Affleck won the Oscar for Best Actor in “Manchester By The Sea.” Best thing to happen to a bearded guy in a man-bun since Starbucks increased their minimum wage.

Scientists developed an algorithm that can detect sarcasm better than humans. That has to be the most brilliant thing I’ve ever heard of not spoken by a Kardashian.  

At Coachella, a pregnant Beyonce is out and Lady Gaga is in. Nobody can legally discuss the details. There is a Gaga order. 

L.A. got a ton of rain. There is just nothing worse than the smell of a wet Casey Affleck beard. 

In his speech to congress, once again Donald Trump insulted the hell out of Chicago. It seems Trump is mad at Chicago. It’s as if the City of Big Shoulders made a joke about the dude with tiny hands. 

In Georgia, a waitress donated a kidney to a regular customer. That's awesome. When I ask for more coffee, the waitress acts like I asked for her kidney.  

In LA, a customer threw a glass at a comedian who made a Donald Trump penis joke about the Washington Monument. “No, I’ll take that comparison,” said Trump.

San Diego favorite, LaDanian Tomlinson, has agreed to be an advisor of the Los Angeles Chargers. Apparently L.T.  stands for Lugubrious Traitor.