Pancho was a bandit boy,
His horse was fast as polished steel
He wore his gun outside his pants
For all the honest world to feel, 

Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The economy is bad all over the world. In Japan, the bad economy put a squeeze on their annual Penis Festival. 

The economy is bad all over the world. In Japan, the bad economy was even hard on their Penis Festival. 

The economy is so bad, to make money on the side, Ed. Sec., Betsy DeVos, is offering to tutor kids in book learnin’.

The economy is so bad, to make money on the side, Ed. Sec., Betsy DeVos, is offering to tutor kids in mathmology. 

The economy is so bad, March Madness has turned into March Pissed-off That I’m Broke.

The economy is so bad, when he gets out of prison this Fall, OJ Simpson is going to live on Kato Kaelin’s couch. 

The economy is so bad, 23 years later and we are still recycling OJ Simpson jokes.

The economy is so bad, April the giraffe was clinching to keep from delivering her baby until she got a higher bid for the name.  

President Trump is having a Twitter war with Snoop Dog. Wow. Just like our founding fathers predicted.

The economy is so bad, the porn site “PornHub” has posted a GoFundMe fundraiser.  

Rough night for the Kardashian/Jenner women. Kendal Jenner had $200,000 of jewelry stolen and Kim, Khloe and Kourtney’s store “Dash” was vandalized. Worst day since they had to fire their manicurist who mistakenly painted their toenails Ballet Slipper Pink instead of Barbie Pink.

During the last storm, the porn site, “PornHub” plowed Boston and New Jersey driveways for free. The only catch is, because they’re a porn site, they blast the last load of snow in your face. 

In the NCAA battle of the brains, Northwestern beat Vanderbilt 68-66 on a huge mental mistake by Vanderbilt. However, Vanderbilt won the side bet on who could calculate Pi the furthest.


The Northwestern-Vanderbilt trash talking was embarrassing;

“Look here, athletic antagonist, nuanced dexterity is neither your nor your plus-sized matriarch’s métier. N'est-ce pas?” 

Awkward when Ed. Sec., Betsy DeVos, tweeted, "Congratulations to the entire city of Northwestern."

NU alum and ESPN announcer, Britt McHenry, was so excited, she did not even slap the parking lot attendant.