Friday, January 20, 2017

It was unfair to call Trump's vicious little lap dog, Kellyanne Conway, a ball-breaker. Turns out she's been a nutcracker the whole time.

Baltimore Ravens linebacker, Zachary Orr, had to retire at 24 due to a neck condition. And millions of San Diego Charger fans retired because of a pain-in-the-neck, Dean Spanos. 

The NFL is furious at the Chargers owner, Dean Spanos, for moving to Los Angeles. The NFL is so mad, they are thinking of having the Patriots deflate Spanos’s balls. 

The Inauguration forecast is cold and damp. Donald Trump says Al Roker is rigged. 

Russia admitted to a national conspiracy to dope their athletes. It was so pervasive, even the urine from their prostitutes tested positive for steroids. 

I’m afraid some of Donald Trump’s critics might be right. His first act after being sworn in was to evict a black family from their residence.

(Assist Snoop Dog)

Since you asked:

Saw a damn good documentary on Winston Churchill during and after WWII called “Walking With Destiny.” Quite simply the man prevented Europe from being taken over by the Nazis. Period. Franklin Roosevelt suggested Churchill was the greatest man alive.

However, nobody ever described Winston as a paragon of health. He inhaled huge cigars all day long, swilled booze the entire day and ate three rich, big, long gravy/saucy meals. 

That said, Churchill did maintain his own unique form of discipline. He wrote all day, whether in his bed, at his desk or in the bathtub. Winston wrote more books than some elected men have read. 

His first several whisky and sodas of the day were extremely weak. His aide described them as mouthwash. He took a daily “constitutional” walk every day. He took an hour nap like clockwork after lunch. And he fervently worked in his gardens. 

A funny British writer, Warren Docktor, researched Churchill’s drinking habits and attempted to duplicate them for a day. He initially described them as fairly civilized. The “bottle” of champagne Churchill consumed with lunch was a pint, not a regular bottle. He loved the hour after-lunch nap and felt fully invigorated. 

But by eight o’clock, when Churchill started hitting the brandy, the good Docktor was slurring his words. By ten he called it quits tipping his hat to Winston and passing out. Winston would have pushed on until the wee hours. Writing the entire time.

Was Winston Churchill an alcoholic? By most current definitions yes. He was an alcoholic who saved Western civilization. 

Some of my more interesting roommate/apartment experiences from Long Beach to Santa Barbara, to New York and San Diego and a few more stops:

Woke up to my girlfriend's roommate and her boyfriend screaming because they mixed up the sex lube with Ben Gay.

My neighbors girlfriend asked if she could use my fire escape to get into their open window below. Next sound I heard was glass breaking four floors to the sidewalk below.

My friends came over to my apartment with an appetizer and asked to put it in my oven. Smoke billowed out from the oven from the instructions and warranty on fire inside the unused oven.

Brought home an overnight date. Woke up the next morning to her in the living room about to striptease in her bikini for my roommates. 

Another overnight date woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. She did not know I could clearly hear her carrying on a full-blown, two-way conversation with herself. Asked and answered her own questions. Did not sleep the rest of the night. 

After my roommates and I stayed up all night cleaning to get our deposit back, our landlord did not give us one cent. My roommates may or may not have pelted their house with water balloons. And the balloons may or may not have been filled with red paint instead of water. 

Was entertaining a date when I saw a mouse run into my bathroom. Much crashing and slamming later, I had the mouse in a towel and walked over to the window and threw it and the towel out. My date had no idea why I threw a towel out the window.

Had a housemate who used to work on septic tanks. He would come home covered in head-to-toe in mud. One day it wasn’t mud. 

The guy about to rent me a room in a house said it was casual and OK to walk around in our underwear. In fact he insisted on it. Did not rent there. 

One bitter cold New York night, I let a homeless man into our heated lobby because I thought he would freeze to death. Six AM the next morning our lobby floor was covered with sleeping homeless people. They were gone by Seven AM. 

Looked out my apartment window and saw this sign: “Minetta Parking Garage. Open 24-Hours-A-Day. Honk Before Entering.” 

Kept a few eggs on my fire escape to pelt the cabs that honked their horns excessively in the early morning hours. 

(Leaving out some of the racier stuff)