Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The Aristocrat

Donald Trump has vowed to take steps to avoid business conflicts. This message was brought to you by GEICO, Verizon and Pfizer, the makers of Viagra.

The man who invented the Big Mac 50 years ago, Jim Delligatti, died at 98. It is comforting to know he will never have to hear the jingle, “Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun” ever again.

His secret to his long life? He invented the Big Mac. He never ate a Big Mac. 

50 years ago if you could have predicted the three people who would not live another year, it would be the inventor of the Big Mac, Fidel Castro and Keith Richards.

Originally the Big Mac was called “The Aristocrat.” Someone wisely decided fast food should not have the word cat in it.

The man Donald Trump has pegged for Sec. of Treasury, Steven Mnuchin, was once sued by Trump. But if Trump could only pick people he has not sued, he could only pick Melania, Ivanka and himself. And he almost sued Ivanka. 

Kanye West is not considered stable enough to return home. When they asked Kanye if he would like to be released to the care of the Kardashian women, Kanye said, “Did I mention the flying monkeys controlling my brain?” 

My Joke From Five Years Ago:

New book coming out of pictures and x-rays of items found in folk's rectums. The title? "Keeping it Up Your Kardashian."