Monday, November 28, 2016

Fidel Castro died at 90. “See? I told you we would get him,” said the CIA.

In Seattle, a man with a lung disease finished a marathon towing an oxygen tank. And I didn’t work out because it was cloudy.

Kanye West is still hospitalized in LA. for an emotional breakdown. Kardashian women turned Scott Disick into an alcoholic, Lamar Odom into a drug addict and Bruce Jenner into a woman. Kardashian is an Armenian word that means: “Guys, run for your lives.” 

Fidel Castro passed away at 90. He violated human rights while keeping his people in poverty while he lived in luxury. Kim Jong Un will miss him dearly.

Fidel Castro passed away at 90. It has been estimated Castro survived 634 attempts on his life. But it was that exploding Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phone that finally got him.

Fidel Castro passed away at 90. He drank rum, ate pork and smoked Cuban cigars all day everyday.  Now that Castro’s gone, Cuba’s life expectancy and  GNP should go up. 

Two Buffalo Bills fans who threw a large sex toy on the field have been banned from New Era Field for life. On the bright side, they are welcomed at the Kardashian’s for the holidays.

Fidel Castro passed away at 90.  The world’s oldest communist dies on the busiest shopping day of the year, Black Friday. That’s like Kim Jong Un dying on Tall and Handsome day.

In Boston over Thanksgiving weekend, 30 minutes of CNN’s “Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown” were replaced by hardcore porn. For the first five minutes, people thought they were learning how to stuff giblets back into a turkey.

Fidel Castro passed away at 90. People in Cuba are mourning him as the only leader they have ever known. That is like mourning the death of a rat as the only pet you’ve ever known.

It has been a year since Pfizer and Allergen, the makers of Viagra and Botox, have merged. The Viagra-Botox merger has been hard, rigid and tense, but it’s created stiff competition.