Wednesday, September 07, 2016

Kylie Jenner is now a bleach blonde. Good idea. Because if there is one thing that the Jenner/Kardashian sisters have been guilty of, it is looking too intellectual. 

Donald Trump has been accused of pandering to black voters and Mexicans. Trump denied pandering to blacks and Mexicans saying, “That would be no bueno, homeboy.” 

Ann Coulter got slammed during the Rob Lowe Roast. Ann Coulter is scary. I wouldn’t screw Ann Coulter with Ann Coulter’s penis. 

Apple unveiled the new iPhone 7. It has a special feature that alerts you to all the social networks sites when Taylor Swift breaks up with her fake boyfriend. 

The Forty Niners released Bruce Miller after he got drunk and punched a 70-year-old man in the face. Earlier that night he was kicked out of restaurant for trying to steal a sandwich. All that was missing was lying about being held up by fake cops for the d-bag trifecta. 

Here is my Ann Coulter joke: 

“Guys, if you’re thinking of dating Ann Coulter the good news is there is no chance you will not get an STD. But there is a 100% chance you will get freezer burn. 

Just re-read parts of Eagles guitarist Don Felder’s “Heaven and Hell” and I do not know how I missed how awesome this is:

While recording “Hotel California” at Criterion Studios in Miami, the Eagles rented a few houses including the exact same house on 461 Ocean Blvd as Eric Clapton, the title name of Eric Clapton’s off-heroin comeback album. The Eagles watched football on TV and drank beer and played football on the beach when not recording. 

Not sure why that is so great, but it is. 

Cannot recommend HBO’s “The Night Of” enough. Movie quality stuff over eight episodes. Eye-guzzled last night in a marathon session. 

It is honest to the point of gritty and it takes no cheap shots or shortcuts. Whatever the opposite of going Hollywood is, but with under-lit, art house/film school directing. 

Great actors. We know John Turturro was great, but has anyone heard of Bill Camp? Stole the thing as Sgt. Box.

And so did Jeannie Berlin steal it as hard-boiled, but with a smoker-hacked, crusty heart of gold, DA, Helen Weiss. And  the underrated Michael K. Williams played Freddie Knight with an impossible balance of menace and mentoring. 

And without the star being awesome and transforming before our eyes, Riz Ahmed as "Naz" Khan, the thing would fold like a wet taco. 

That was weird.

Former “SNL” great, Fred Armisen, is the star and creator of “Portlandia” and “Documentary Now!” as well as being in several movies and TV shows including "The Jim Gaffigan Show" “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” as well as sitting in on drums and base with The 8G Band on “Late Night With Seth Meyers.” 

Just now, when I got up to get some coffee, when I got back, I had been replaced by Fred Armisen. 

The difference the New York Yankee retirements between Derek Jeter and Alex Rodgruguez is about the difference between Neil Armstrong landing on the moon and a guy sent up to fix the ISS busted toilet. 

Punk rock sucked so much that, not only did punk rock suck, but the the pseudo-intellectual druggie pussies pretending to be cutting-edge and tough punks who liked punk sucked too. 

Same with disco and their disco ducks. Nobody hated disco more than me, but disco was just a bunch of morons on coke trying to get laid.

Punk took snotty affectations into Depeche Mode levels of condescension. Punk rock fans were genuine assholes. 

Punk sucked so much that the bands considered to be the top punk bands were not even punk. Blondie, Nirvana, Talking Heads, Patty Smith. Why? Because unlike the Sex Pistols, Dead Kennedys and most other punk bands, they could actually play music.  They eventually went by the name New Wave. Which meant punk without the suck. 

To sum up the thinking behind punk music fans it went something like this:

"We hate everything. We want to look ugly. We want to be unpopular. We want our music to suck."

The truth is everything hated you already. You were already ugly and unpopular and now you have music that is just was ugly and unpopular as you have always been. 

Punk was just a sad and pathetic attempt to make being ugly and weird a choice.