Sunday, August 07, 2016

It is awww shucky-ducky up in this haz giz, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

This just in:

At a New York Yankee press conference, an emotional Alex Rodriguez announced his retirement. Sadly, one of his tears ran off the stage and then tested positive for steroids.

After the Russian team was banned for doping, swimmer, Yulia Efimova, a two-time cheater, was allowed to compete in Rio. Yulia was so excited when she swam, she could barely contain her erection.  

Donald Trump is giving a speech tonight on how to fix the economy. When I watch the speech, I am going wear a Trump shirt, grill a Trump steak, have a Trump glass of vodka while placing a bet at a Trump casino. Oh, wait, I can’t, they all went out of business. 

Russian swimmer, Yulia Efimova, a two-time drug cheater, was reinstated to the Rio Olympics. Not sure that is fair. The last time Yulia peed into a cup, she broke the cup.

Russian swimmer, Yulia Efimova, a two-time drug cheater, was reinstated to the Rio Olympics. Not sure that is fair. The last time Yulia peed into a cup, the cup dissolved.  

In New York, two time drug-cheat, Alex Rodriguez, announced his retirement at a Yankee press conference. As emotional moments go, it ranks somewhere between a Flo Progressive Insurance commercial and a wet burp. 

Rodriguez will stay with the Yankees until he can officially land the job of Russian Olympic Training Aid Consultant. 

The difference between Derek Jeter’s retirement and two-time drug cheat Rodriguez’s retirement is the difference between landing on the moon and repairing the bathroom on the space station. 

Since you asked:

While watching the Olympics, I can’t shake a bitter sweet feeling that the international sports contest is officially over. 

And we, the US, won. 

In gymnastics, China, Romania, and the ultimate powerhouse, Russia, have all had their moments, but those moments have faded badly. The once powerful Romanian women’s gymnastics now has one competitor forced out of retirement. 

When the US started winning sports we didn't really care that much about, like cycling (albeit cheating) and soccer, it was the beginning of the end. 

This is not only an indication of the weakening of the global economy, it is also an indication of the shift of the globe’s economic priorities. After spending $50 billion on the Sochi games, Russia’s sports program is broke. They had to cheat with drugs if they wanted to stay competitive with the US.

Great coaches pop up in various sports all over the world, but eventually they end up in the US where the money is. 

The only sports still hanging on in other countries are the sports where the passion for those sports far exceeds the US:  Soccer, ping pong, cycling, rugby, a few track events and cricket. 

Cannot recommend season one the FX series “Fargo”  - based on the Cohen brothers movie of the same name - enough. Season two is good, but season one truly rocks. Largely thanks to a great cast, especially Billy Bob Thornton and Martin Freeman. 

Tom Hanks boy, Colin, does hisself and his daddy proud. But the season was stolen by the unbelievably intriguing, then likable, then lovable, then insanely lovable Allison Tolman as Detective Molly Solverson. 

In fact, Tolman/Solverson is so lovable it almost ruins shows for you because you worry so much about her character. 

Season Two was good and with an almost equally amazing cast, but the end just doesn’t jump the shark, it has inter-shark-like relations with it.