Monday, August 08, 2016

In his Detroit speech, Donald Trump accidentally said titties instead of cities. That’s nothing. You should have heard what he said to the Lions instead of punt. 

50 former top GOP national security experts signed a letter saying Donald Trump would put our nation’s security at risk. Or as Trump calls them, “50 unemployed losers.” 

In Rio, the US women’s volleyball team won a narrow victory over the Netherlands 3-2. On the bright side, they also beat the Dutch and Holland.  

A CNN poll now has Donald Trump behind Hillary Clinton by 49% to 39%. Right now Trump’s advisors are telling Trump, no matter how much he wants to, not to say how much he likes to come from behind on a woman. 

In Rio the US beach volleyball team of Patterson/Gibbs were upset by Austria. It was awkward when they asked Donald Trump why Austria was so good at beach volleyball, he said they learned to jump from the kangaroos. 

More republicans, including Maine senator Susan Collins, are defecting Donald Trump. Trump is starting to look like that one jerk who wanted to vote out Gene Hackman as the coach of “Hoosiers.” 

Two time drug cheating Russian swimmer, Yulia Efimova, lost to USA’s Emily King in the 100 breaststroke. Efimova was so upset by the loss, she told the press to kiss her testicles. 

Efimova was so used to cheating, she was hoping to Efimova one more time. 

Tonight in Rio featured men’s synchronized diving. That’s great, but I prefer more masculine sports like Men’s Tandem Flower Arranging or Men’s Two Man Cupcake Designing.  

Two guys in spandex briefs doing choreographed diving. Even Johnny Weir is saying, “Guys, can we macho it up it up a little?” 

Since you asked:

At the Rio Olympics, the two-person beach volley ball teams have numbers on their jerseys. 1 or 2. This raises more questions than it answers.

Do they have programs because you can’t tell the players without a program? 

Will doubles teams in tennis start to demand getting numbers? 

What if a #1 gets his number retired? Do they bring in a #3?

Has a player traded to a team ever had to buy their number if someone has it? “How much for #2?” 

Do the #2’s try harder? (Old Avis reference) 

Is 1 the loneliest number? 

And the most important question: why the hell do they number a team with just two players?