Wednesday, May 18, 2016

In case you were having a bad day . . . 

Busted flat in Baton Rouge, get woke to the joke,  Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Donald Trump claims he had $500 million in income in 2015, or his name isn’t John Miller. 

Donald Trump released his list of 11 possible Supreme Court replacements. Not sure about this list. It includes Bruce Wayne, Alexander Hamilton, Keyzer Soze and of course, John Miller. 

A study claims the average person spends 117 days of their life having sex. Unless you’re a New York Knicks fan, then you’re screwed for life. 

The Hyperloop has been successfully tested sending passengers in pods on tracks traveling at 700-miles-per-hour. If Amtrak uses this technology, they will be able to get to their crash sites ten times faster. 

Oddly, Hyperloop was also Bernie Sanders nickname growing up.

Once again, Washington DC ranks as the fittest city in the US. It’s from all that running to the bank with a heavy bag to deposit lobbyist’s bribe money.

Singer, Alanis Morissette, is suing her former business manager, Jonathon Schwartz, for ripping her off for millions of dollars. Gosh, I hope this doesn’t make Alanis bitter towards men. 

Donald Trump claimed he was his publicist named John Miller. The announcer for the San Francisco Giants is named Jon Miller. Or is he really Donald Trump pretending to be the Giants’ announcer? 

In his first public appearance playing golf in many months, Tiger Woods hit three shots in the water. This is what happens when you train with Michael Phelps. 

Since you asked:

More gems from Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style.”

“Omit needless words.”

“When a sentence is made stronger, it usually becomes shorter. Thus, brevity is a by-product of vigor.” 

Blah blah yada blah blah yada blah blah. Sheesh. 

Was a big fan of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.”  Now it is more like the unwatchable Kimmy Schmidt.

Starting to notice a criticism of a lot of shows starts with “It is just a soap opera with (blank).” “The Twilight Saga” is just a soap opera with vampires. “The Walking Dead” is just a soap opera with zombies. “Game of Thrones” is just a soap opera with dragons and swords. 

Guess what? Just about every TV show or movie is a soap opera. It is the “with (blank)” that makes them special. “The Godfather” was a soap opera with the mafia. Don’t you want to know who is the leader? Who is the bad guy? Who loves who? Who is plotting what? Who betrays who? 

Just saw “The Godfather” and I was struck by how bad a move it was for Sollozo “The Turk” to try and whack the Don. Yes, it turns out Sollozo had the backing of not only the Tattaglias, but, as it turns out, Barzini. But why kill Vito? Just because the Corleones did not want to deal drugs? They, Sollozo, the Tattaglias and Barzini would have gotten so much stronger and richer with the Corleones outside of the drug business, they could have cleaned them out effortlessly later. 

My go-to questions to rich and famous people:

How much cash do they have with them? (Usually little or none)

What would it be like to get a drink with them in a great neighborhood bar sans press, sans fans? What would they want to talk about? 

If they're a musician, what song would they wave a wand and make theirs? Same thing with a role of they're an actor. Painting if they're a painter. 

If they knew they were going to die that day, what shoes would they wear*?

*Not to get morbid, but whenever I see a picture of dead people in the news, I am drawn to their shoes. Did they have any idea, when they got up that morning, these would be the last shoes they would ever wear? 

They say there is a lot of power in giving up the fear of death. But there is also a lot of power in remembering death is, that day, a distinct possibility. 

When you put on your shoes in the morning, think about that.

How do we live in a world where the producers of a documentary on the greatest screenwriter, William Goldman, titled “Nobody Knows Anything” (Except William Goldman), need $50,000 from Kickstarter to get made, and Donald Trump earned $500 million last year?