Saturday, May 14, 2016

A report says that 6,549 postal workers were attacked by dogs last year. That’s about 6,549 more dog attacks than suffered by people sending emails. 

Since you asked:

What would be my contribution to Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style”? 

Attaching wise to words isn’t. 

What is interesting about Trump’s refusal to release his tax returns isn’t that it is a noble gesture to protect his privacy. It isn't. Trump is such a publicity whore, he would release his colonoscopy video if he thought it was impressive at all. 

No, make no mistake, Trump is ashamed of his tax returns. 

Here is one thing we know about Trump: he is a pathological liar. He lies about having ten billion dollars when he has one billion. Who does that? Now I am not accountant, but last time I checked, a billion is a lot of dollars. 

Trump’s lying is Hollywood-esque in its pathology. Hollywood makes 20 foot long sharks 40 feet long and 14 feet tall T-Rexs 30 feet tall.  

The other factor about Trump’s alleged billion dollars is much of the value, like real estate and his brand’s worth, is subjective and that subjective value was assigned by Trump, a pathological liar. What isn’t subjective is Trump’s debt which is estimated at around $500 million*. 

Debt is like termites, it can destroy things vastly larger than it is. When Trump inevitably does something so stupid it will cost him the election and will damage the value of his brand, his asset values will plummet while the termites continue to feast on what’s there. 

Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, has made $4.5 million for every day he has been alive.

A recent study (stay with me) shows the average couple’s sex session lasts five minutes. So, based on that five minutes, Mark Zuckerberg makes $15,583 for having sex. Donald Trump, (see?) based on his generally-agreed-upon billion dollars, makes $130 dollars for having sex.

Triple Crown winner, American Pharaoh, makes $200,000 a sex session.  

So remind me how successful Donald Trump is again? 

Here are four things people who think they are smart - but are not - think you should know: 

The longest river in the world is the Nile

Frankfort is the capital of Kentucky, not Louisville. 

It is “May I go to the bathroom?” Not “Can I go to the bathroom?”

You’re doing well, not good. Superman and Batman do good. 

*"Fortune" has Trump's debt much, much higher.