This week, Bernie Sanders received protection from the Secret Service. But they cannot come up with a codename for Bernie. So far the leading contenders are; “Yelling Hippy Uncle”, “Grumpy Frumpy” and “Larry David.” 

Utah lawmakers are considering making porn a public health crisis. Had trouble writing this because I can’t see and my elbow is sore. 

The band Phish is going to play at Wrigley Field in Chicago. This way Cubs fans will be able to get so stoned they can hallucinate the Cubs win a World Series. 

A California Doctor, Dr. Hsiu-Ying Tseng, was sentenced to 30 years to life for murder for prescribing lethal painkillers. Sadly, they did not send her to prison in upstate New York thus missing a “Who’s on First?” skit by sentencing Hsiu-Ying Tseng to Sing Sing.