Thursday, February 04, 2016

Angels beating all their wings in time, with a smile right on their face and a gleam right in their eye, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Mike Huckabee has announced he is suspending his campaign. In a related story, Khloe Kardashian is suspending her book’s consideration for a Pulitzer Prize.

Donald Trump was among the nominees for the Nobel Peace Prize. Not sure he gets it though. Tump thinks he’s nominated because his wife, Melania, is a noble piece. 

Only person sucked out of plane of a Somali flight that had an in-flight explosion was the suicide bomber. His name was: Ihaz Nomar Karma.

After her China Southern flight was delayed for ten hours, a Chinese woman had the entire plane to herself. And yet seemingly impossibly, the overhead compartments were full. 

And they still charged her $50 for moving her seat. 

A Washington state man, whose legal name is Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, was arrested for assaulting a police officer. Here’s the shocker: Drugs may have been involved.

A study claims long-term marijuana use can be detrimental to memory. Upon hearing this, Snoop Dogg said; “I’m sorry, I forgot what you said.” 

Barbies now come in various sizes including petite, tall and curvy.  At first the petite, tall and curvy sizes were called Kourtney, Khloe and Kim. 

Shocking Donald Trump lost Iowa considering all the lengths he went to appeal to Iowa voters. Trump even had his hairpiece made out of 100% Iowa corn silk.

Since you asked:

Words cannot describe how pissed off and sick I am of Cam Newton’s happy horse poop. 

They are paying this guy a fortune to do his job, somewhere around $100 mil for five years. Why can’t he do that job as soullessly and joylessly as the rest of us? Nobody should make that much money and have that much fun. It’s un-American. 

You don’t think I wouldn’t like to do a touchdown dance and hand a football to a child every time I score? And I don’t even score. Ever. That is how classy I am. 

When you score, act like you’ve been there before even though you will never, ever, be there. That is what I always say. 

Cam Newton should learn a lot about class, dignity and respect from Rob Gronkowski. 

Last year, during the Super Bowl parade, Gronk did a “Magic Mike” strip dance in front of the kids - they loved it - and he wore the #69 even though he is #87. Why? As I explained to my daughter, because ’69 was the year we landed on the moon. 


Cam should strive to be more like Gronk. All classy ’n sh*t. 

(Today's "Since You Asked" was brought to you by my Uncle Ron. Think Drunk Uncle on "Saturday Night Live" except just hungover and cranky)