Tuesday, February 02, 2016

“Saskatoons” Wally on such a winter’s day, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Monday was the start of Black History Month. And the chances of any black people getting an Oscar is already history. 

The Cleveland Browns are going to cut Johnny Manziel in March. So he will go from Johnny “Football” to Johnny “Do you want to hear about the benefits of solar power?” 

More bad news for Donald Trump. After losing to Ted Cruz in Iowa, the groundhog came out and humped that thing on Trump’s head. 

Kim Kardashian is meeting with Amber Rose to settle the Kanye-Wiz feud. Wonder if there will be a lot of finger pointing? 

Yesterday was groundhog day. The groundhog popped up, saw that old, scary white groundhog, Bernie Sanders, and burrowed back into his hole. 

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders ended in a virtual tie in Iowa. They say a tie is like kissing your sister. In this case a tie was like seeing your crazy hippy aunt and uncle getting drunk at the family reunion and making out. 

A Delta Air Lines flight from Los Angeles to Minneapolis had to make an unscheduled landing in Salt Lake City because two flight female flight attendants got into a fistfight. So much for Delta loving to fly and it shows. 

Martin O’Malley announced to all of his followers he has ended his campaign. It was not a total loss for O’Malley’s followers, O'Malley bought onion rings for the whole booth at Applebee’s. 

Since you asked:

Saw the documentary on the Charlie Hebdo slaughter, “Je Suis Charlie.” It was genuinely touching to see how the French rallied for their slain cartoonists. Once again, the silence from the leaders of the Paris Muslim community was deafening. 

But figuring out the French sense of humor is like wrestling a greased pig. If you take an absurdist, throw in irony and sarcasm and a dash of campy irreverence you’re almost there. 

One thing I did pick up on is the French are so in love with being French, the musical joy they get when they speak their gorgeous language, sip their luscious wines and eat their haute cuisine while wearing haute couture, they have no room left for self-deprecation. 

As much as Hillary is pretending to be all sweetness and light, I guarantee you there are a few of her staff members who are minus an ass from the chewing from Hillary. 

As a genetic undeclared, I can say I think both parties are in trouble. Hillary and Bernie will now fight like two seagulls over a french fry for the far left. Trump has begun his implosion like we all knew he would. And Ted Cruz, the leading republican, is so unlikeable his former Princeton roommate is becoming a quasi-celebrity just by Tweeting about how hate-able Cruz is. 

Let’s put Trump in perspective. The entertainment industry is famously ruthless and greedy. More than other industries, due to celebrity egos and creative license, they will put up with abysmally awful behavior from stars as long as they are making money: Rosie O’Donnell, Val Kilmer, Chevy Chase, Burt Reynolds, Bill Cosby for crying-out-loud. The list is endless. 

This same industry fired Donald Trump from his own show, “The Celebrity Apprentice.”  And it was making a fortune.   

One more angle on Donald Trump as a man. 

The only nice thing any of his ex-wives ever said about him was from Marla Maples. She said she thought Trump would be a good president. And this is a woman who Trump had a daughter, Tiffany, whom Trump hardly saw when she was growing up. 

When I took the tour of Alcatraz with my daughter’s soccer team, they give you a CD player and one prisoner told how he had a pretty woman visitor he had never seen before. Turned out to be his daughter. This hit me as such a tragedy - and god knows what this guy did to get life in Alcatraz - it was all I could do to keep from busting out crying in front of our team out of sympathy.

Trump did not see his daughter on purpose. This is not politics. This guy, Trump, is a truly crappy person. 

Democrats and Republicans, it is not too late. Bring in Joe Biden and Mitt Romney. 

This will give you an idea how ingenious I am at not making money. The traffic on my blog has doubled thanks to users in Russia. Yes, that Russia. Some Russian cell phone carrier/service offers my blog as a screen saver on their phones. 

And how much has this international coup added to my coffers? You guessed it. Zero.