Yesterday was Cyber Monday. That makes today “Why Did I Shop Online Drunk?” Tuesday followed by "They really shipped me this crap" Thursday.

Might have had too much Thanksgiving. Stood on the scale and it said; “Hello, Gov. Christie.”

Justin Bieber cancelled his Thanksgiving Day Parade and other appearances due to alleged “mental strain.” Justin Bieber suffers from mental strain about as much as Chris Christie suffers from malnutrition.

Donald Trump got the OK from Twisted Sister to use “We’re Not Gonna Take It” at his speeches. Meanwhile Dr. Ben Carson is waiting to hear from Gnarls Barkley on “Crazy.”  

There’s no truth to the rumor Hillary Clinton is waiting to hear from the Rolling Stones for “Bitch.” 

The Philadelphia 76ers have lost a record 27 games-in-a-row. They eat it so much they’re changing from the 76ers to the 69ers.