The Texas clock-making kid, Ahmed Mohamed, is suing for $15 million. His clock is so accurate, it marked the split-second he lost all sympathy with the public. 

“60 Minutes” featured a segment where 12 ISIS members - who executed a prisoner in front of children - were blown up in a house. I think the name of the story was: “Better Than Porn.”

A consumer watch-group has listed the ten most dangerous toys for this year including a quick-folding trampoline. Although that is not as dangerous as the toy: the quick-lighting welding torch.

Why even make a quick-folding trampoline? That’s like an easily-detachable parachute. 

Bernie Sanders is having trouble getting black followers. For some reason black people are not responding to an old Colonel Sanders-looking white guy who shouts all the time.  

The winner of the Zimbabwe 4th annual Mr. Ugly Contest was accused of cheating. How can it get worse than, A, winning a Mr. Ugly contest and then, B, being so ugly you’re accused of cheating? “Nobody can be that ugly naturally. He has to cheat.”  

There’s a viral video of Cleveland Brown QB, Johnny “Football” Manziel swinging a champagne bottle post-rehab. A couple more rehab lapses and he will be Johnny “Boomerang” Manziel. 

A top Hillary Clinton aide called the L.A. Laugh Factory and demanded they remove a video with Hillary jokes. Imagine if this wasn't the Hillary campaign that vowed to be funnier and more easy-going? 

Since you asked:

One of the things I love about being a dyed-in-the-wool politically undeclared is that when I do a succession of Dr. Ben/Jeb/Trump jokes, my republican friends ask; "When did you become so liberal?" Same reaction from my democrat friends when I do a few Hillary/Bernie jokes. "Why are you so conservative?" 

The Syrian refugee issue is a real watershed. Some of my more conservative friends hear "Syrian Refugee" and they think "Potential Terrorist." My liberal friends think if you're not willing to adopt Syrian refugees into your home, you're in cahoots with Vladimir Putin.