Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Guns N’ Roses are reuniting. When I heard the news I was so excited, I dropped my Game Boy.

In Florida, a 98-year-old man shot a hole-in-one. When they congratulated him on his dream-come-true, he said; “I had sex with Betty White?” 

In Philadelphia, an arrest warrant for sexual assault has been issued to Bill Cosby. Let’s just say the charges are not for brotherly love.

A big-selling Christmas gift this year were Hoverboards. They were popular despite the fact a lot of people fell off and got hurt and they burst into flames. Hoverboards were the Donald Trump of Christmas presents.

Because he plans to attack Hillary and Bill Clinton on sexual indiscretions, Donald Trump has invited the media to investigate his own indiscretions. There are two words why Trump should not do that: Gary and Hart.

And why not? At this point, Trump could be linked romantically with a goat and many republicans would applaud his love of animals.

Johnny “Football” Manziel reported for Cleveland Brown practice and was treated for “Concussion-like symptoms.” The good news? He does not have a concussion. The bad news? Manziel is just stupid. 

Bill Cosby appeared before the magistrate in Philadelphia with a cane and two people supporting him. Skeptics accuse Cosby of acting frail, but anyone who has seen “Leonard Part 6” knows Cosby can’t act anything.

The wife of Miami Dolphin, Brent Grimes, Miko Grimes, is in trouble for tweeting mean and insulting things about the team’s QB, Ryan Tennehill. On the bright side, Miko has been hired as a speech writer for the Donald Trump campaign.