Monday, October 05, 2015

A man is suing a New Jersey Pork Roll company for firing him due to his flatulence. Let me explain something: If your gas stinks worse than a pork roll factory? You need to see a doctor, not a lawyer.

A man is suing a New Jersey Pork Roll company for firing him due to his flatulence. They cite the famous precedent-setting case of Cheek Vs. Sneak.

Eight members of the Iran’s women’s national soccer team were found to be men. On the bright side, their balls were not underinflated.

“60 Minutes” had a feature on driverless cars. What’s the big deal? My wife has had a driverless car for years.

ISIS destroyed an 1800 year-old Syrian arch. If ISIS keeps this stuff up, we may have to consider cutting of their funding.

Two greyhounds at an Iowa Greyhound racetrack have tested positive for steroids. Track officials became suspicious when the dogs humped their trainer’s leg and broke it.

It’s Polish American Heritage month. And for our Polish readers . . . It . . . is . . . Polish . . . American . . . Heritage  . . . month.

This Tuesday you will be able to get McDonalds breakfast 24-hours a day. Thank you, once again, legalized and medical marijuana.

In Denver, after receiving $900 in Botox, a man ran out of the doctor’s office without paying. Police released a description of the culprit: he looks like a cross between Caitlyn Jenner and Cher.

China has just completed a 900- foot-long, 600-foot-high glass-bottom pedestrian bridge. Before you cross it, they give you cloth slippers to wear over your shoes. And when you’re done, they give you a fresh change of underwear.

 Since you asked:

Week four in the NFL separates the pretenders versus the contenders, the fakers versus the takers, the believers versus the under-achievers, the winners versus the beginners, the brave versus the knaves. And yes, they pay me for this. Not much, but they do pay me. OK, no they don’t. But they should.

Jacksonville Jaguars need to get back to basics and finish painting their helmets.

The San Diego Chargers give their rookie kicker a second chance in what can only be described as a Lambo Leap of Faith.

It appears the Denver Broncos are going to ride the “Peyton Manning is washed up” wave all the way to the playoffs.

The Rams’ Gurley is a man.

The condensed NFL game viewing experience:

Kickoff. Penalty. Incomplete. Penalty. Injury. Commercial with Peyton Manning for Insurance. Incomplete. Punt. Commercial with Peyton Manning and Eli Manning. Injury. Time out. Commercial with Peyton Manning and skinny-legs Peyton Manning. Penalty. Coaches challenge. Lousy call reversed in a process that takes several minutes longer than if they had just called me and asked what I saw on the replay. Injury. Penalty. Commercial with Peyton Manning playing Peyton Manning playing Peyton Manning. Penalty. Nap.