These right here are smokey jokes, 'cause these takes are just too damn hot, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

After the debate, Rand Paul is getting criticized for making a smug face when Chris Christie mentioned 9/11. And that critter on top of Rand’s head was giggling.

After the first GOP debate there is a debate on whether they can all these debates debates. They are more like the world’s worst open mike night at a bad comedy club.

Donald Trump’s top political strategist, Roger Stone, has quit Trump’s campaign. Stone invented Trump’s strategy: rant, bloviate and repeat.

Donald Trump’s top political strategist, Roger Stone, has quit Trump’s campaign amid rumors of campaign infighting in Trump’s camp. Apparently the losers and dogs can’t get along with the failures and pigs.

Whole Foods is selling a bottle of asparagus water, water with asparagus in it, for $6. Because anyone who has ever eaten asparagus knows how great asparagus makes things smell.

Whole Foods is selling a bottle of asparagus water, water with asparagus in it, for $6. This is the perfect gift for people who want to make their pee smell like pee that was made from condensed pee.

Donald Trump’s top political strategist, Roger Stone, has quit Trump’s campaign. And yet somehow Trump’s hairstylist has the courage to go on.

Since you asked, post debate version:

Nobody wants Donald Trump’s campaign to continue more than me. And not just as a comedy writer. Trump touches topics other real politicians cannot touch with a ten-foot pole including political correctness, campaign fundraising and immigration.

Let's be blunt, Donald Trump is entertaining as all hell. 

“Fox News” Greta Van Susteren thinks anyone who underestimates Trump’s chances to become president is making a mistake. Greta’s political opinions are as questionable as her plastic surgery choices.

Anyone who really thinks Trump has a chance to become president is either crazy, stupid or both. (Granted this is coming from the guy who said Madonna would never last)

The thing that will kill Trump sooner or later is not politics, it is not the right wing or the left wing. It is not democrats and republicans. What is going to kill Trump, like it has before, is the fact that he is a bully. And he is a liar.

Everybody hates a bully. Even bullies hate bullies. And Trump isn’t even a good bully.

From Edmund Muskie to Ross Perot, if you cannot run a campaign staff you cannot win an election. Trump’s advisors are making rats on the Titanic look loyal by comparison.

Everybody hates a bully. Everybody hates a liar.

In addition, with his bleeding/period comments insults at Megyn Kelly, Trump is a glaring example of somebody who isn’t funny who thinks they’re funny trying to be funny.