"TMZ" Harvey Levin, you need to hire me to write celebrity jokes to sprinkle through your broadcasts. We fellow UCSB Gauchos need to stick together.

Alaska has legalized marijuana. So now you can get Really Baked Alaska.

The identity of ISIS spokesperson, Jihadi John, has been revealed as Mohammad Emwazi from London. It turns out Emwazi also believes Beyonce should have won the Grammy for best album instead of Beck.

They ranked the most dangerous neighborhoods in the US and Chicago had four of the top five. The most dangerous was the neighborhood around Wrigley Field, the Chicago Cubs get killed there all the time.

According to “Hollywood Life,” Bruce Jenner says he will still have sex with women after he transitions to being a woman. That is like flying around the world to visit the house next door.

That’s like getting a hair transplant right before shaving your head.

Weeks after causing a fatal accident, Bruce Jenner has been photographed driving around Malibu with his hand-held cell phone to his ear. So he isn't just transitioning to become a woman, he's also transitioning to become a bitch. 

In Russia, Vladimir Putin’s opposition leader, Boris Nemtsov, was killed from shots from a moving car while crossing the Moscow river near the Kremlin. Asked to comment, Putin said he condemns the killing and then he said;

"One Fox Rover Unit, the wolf is hibernated, repeat, the wolf is hibernated.”