Friday, June 13, 2014

Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In Florida, a couple is accused of making meth in a public library. Yeah, they made it in the “How to cook Meth” section that is in all Florida public libraries.

What an amazing time in sports. World Cup starting, and the NHL and NBA playoffs are great, even the Chicago Cubs . . . well the World Cup has started and the NHL and NBA playoffs are great.

Barack Obama’s youngest, Malia, turned 13 this week. So now Obama is living with two teenage girls and his mother-in-law. No wonder he made that deal for Bowe Bergdahl; if you’re living with a mother-in-law and two teenage girls, five terrorists is nothing.

The Islamic extremists who have taken over cities in Iraq have been deemed too radical and dangerous by al Qaeda. Wow, that is like Florida calling someone too drunk, high and stupid.

Golfer Phil Mickelson has been under investigation for insider trading, but now he has been cleared. Meanwhile, Tiger Woods is still leaning on Waffle House waitresses for hot tips in dog-race betting.
What an amazing thing.

I’ve been contributing free lance jokes to “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” for just under 20 years – cut my teeth with the OJ trial. One night when they were in Chicago, I got four jokes on in the same monologue. (Later I found out a factor was the writers had gone out and gotten wasted on Clark Street the night before)

On a good week I would get three or four jokes on, but a month could go by when I did not. But generally, it was very fun and a kept me from going to the ATM for weeks at a time.

So when Jay retired, I was very happy to hear his assistant, the wonderful- in- every- way LNM, tell me to keep sending jokes in. So I did off and on for these past months.

Yesterday I got this call;

“Hey, Alex, this is Jay. Listen, I just wanted to call and thank you for sending in jokes. They’re great and I really appreciate them. I’m going to send you a check for (very generous) as a way of thanks. Keep sending them in.”

That was about a 10 on my Holy Crap-O-Meter. So cool. So nice. It’s good to eat the bear.