Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof, even though you’d be very impractical when it rains, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Florida man went to court for the right to marry his laptop computer; and isn’t that every man’s dream to have a wife whose memory of your history you can erase?

A Ohio student took his great-grandmother to the prom. He took her after he found out she had missed her prom. And after that hot cheerleader, Amber, said no.

Toronto Mayor, Rob Ford, said rehab was amazing and it reminded him of going to the Washington Redskins training camp as a kid. When Ford was younger he always wanted to take a crack at pro football.

In honor of breast cancer awareness, at the Chicago Cubs game against the White Sox, the entire Wrigley Field stands wore pink t-shirts; and to further create breast cancer awareness, the Cubs played like boobs and lost to the Sox, 5-1.

Is it just me, or does Donald Sterling look like a guy who, right after eating a giant steak, goes to work furiously on his teeth with his gold-plated tooth pick?

Tuesday, George Clooney celebrated his 53rd birthday with his new fiancé, Amal Alamuddin in Cabo San Lucas. I’m starting to think the press is obsessed with Clooney’s engagement. Not CNN-Missing Malaysian plane obsessed, but still obsessed.

Since you asked:
Huge fan of the Shailene Woodley. This despite the fact she reminds me exactly - and in every single way - of a despicable and genuinely sadistic serial heart-breaker I dated in high school.
We’re not just talking about a typical North Shore rich pretty girl prude who flirts and then hurts. No. Oh, ho no. She was far more diabolical than that. 

She absolutely reveled in getting a guy to fall deeply for her and then, not just ripping out their still-beating heart and showing it to them, but tossing it in a blender with some ice and vodka, pureeing it and sipping it with a straw in a sterling silver cup while smiling coyly.
She had an instinctive knack for knowing exactly when you had finally convinced yourself you just might possibly live without her, and then she would do it all over again.

Here’s to you, Megan Forrester, wherever you are. Here is to when I carried you down the steep, winding path to Tower Beach so your little bare feet wouldn't get dirty. 


Not you, Shailene . . .