Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Stay hungry, stay foolish, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The annual charity hockey game between the New York Fire Department and the New York Police Department ended in a giant brawl. It also set a world record for the number of times the phrase; “You wanna piece ah me?” was spoken.

Rumor has it there was alcohol involved in the NYPD/NYFD hockey brawl. Duh, yeah. Kind of like there was water involved in the sinking of the Titanic. 

Louisiana’s Republican congressman, Lance McAllister, was caught on video making out with a woman staff member who is not his wife. He was a family values candidate, turns out the family was the Kardashians.

UConn beat Kentucky to win the NCAA men’s basketball championship, but a Kentucky fan has no regrets about his Kentucky 2014 National Champions tattoo. He said it goes well with his President Mitt Romney tattoo and his Justin Bieber Nobel Prize tattoo.

A Vancouver pizza joint is selling a marijuana-infused pizza; It is pretty tasty. Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, gives it three crack pipes.

Pro-gun activists say school shootings would be prevented if teachers were armed. Well, the last two shootings took place at a military base and a police department. The only place with more guns than a military base and a police department is a Texas bridal shower.

Since you asked:

Despite progress that has resulted in many states legalizing gay marriage, the folks in the entertainment business seem to choose to stay in the closet, either for professional or personal reasons. Here is a list of some of the celebrities I will not be shocked if and when they come out of the closet. Not saying for sure they're in the closet, just saying I won't be surprised if they come out. 

Let’s start with the obvious.

Tom Cruise, Bruce Jenner, Kris Jenner, Ryan Seacrest and John Travolta, although I am pretty sure they are fairly well out.

Erin Andrews. The jaw.

Whoopy Goldberg. Come on.

Hugh Jackman. Sorry, women, just too good looking, too good a singer and a dancer not to have a gay man hidden in there somewhere.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Sarah Jessica Parker. For JGL, see the Hugh Jackman explanation. I’m a big JGL fan, but come on. Too much talent and good looks. SJP? All three -named stars are subject. Sara also has the jaw.  And speaking of the three name rule:

Mary Louise Parker. This may be a stretch.

Jennifer Anniston. It is my list. Just a hunch. Bit of the jaw.

Khloe Kardashian. Why wouldn’t she be?

“Parks and Recreation” Adam Scott. I’m a big, big fan, but the gaydar is beeping like Road Runner getting hate-raped by Wiley the C.

Brody Jenner. Apple. Tree. Didn’t roll.

Zac Effron. Come on, that whole “transient attacking him” thing is a huge red flag.

Vin Diesel. Many, many rumors. Think the Rock. OK, he's straight. Now think Vin. Not so much . . . 

Kristen Stewart. Again, the jaw, a hunch.

Taylor Swift. When it comes to her relationships with men, me thinketh she tries way too hardeth.

Will Smith. If there is flaming where there is smoke, than this guy is smokier than Snoop Dog’s tour bus.

Alyson Hannigan. (Lily from "How I met Your Mother) Just a hunch.

James Franco. Columbia students swear they saw him at a party making out with a dude. Makes the whole “hitting on a 17-yer-old girl on Instagram” a fishy beard.

Matthew McConaughey. If going left is being straight than Matt might be headed “all right, all right, all right.”

P.S. I hate UConn. No lie, four of the biggest tools I have ever met all went to UConn. And they are beyond-obnoxious UConn fans. Cannot be a coincidence. 

Saw "Jobs" again last night. Not sure why, but I am blown away the guy had almost no engineering or computer science education. Steve Wozniak wrote almost all of the software for Apple I, Apple II and the Macintosh. 

It reminds me of when I heard Keith Richards and Jimi Hendrix can't write or read music. 

The other thing is Jobs bashed heads and was so closely associated with Bill Gates and IBM, I just assumed he was a computer guru as well. He was an idea guru. 

Here is a good example of Jobs's genius. He had the vision to study and learn calligraphy. So when it came time to make a word processor, he insisted on different fonts. It was up to his engineers to make it happen, he just said he wanted them on his printer. 

Other people just did not question the things he questioned. Why isn't the keyboard separate? Why aren't the speakers in the computer?