“Women are like buses, I get kicked off after I have been caught masturbating on them.”

-Unknown person’s outstanding tweet.

President Obama met with Pope Francis. There was one horribly awkward moment when the Pope mistook Obama for Lawrence Fishburne.

The winner of the World’s Ugliest Dog contest is a British Chihuahua mutt named Mugly; that dog is so ugly, it almost scared Bruce Jenner straight.

One of President Obama’s Secret Service agents is in hot water after passing out drunk in a hotel hallway. He was so drunk he passed out on top of his hooker.

The Pope told the Mafia they are going to hell. You know who else is going to hell? People who look like they’re standing in line but they aren’t and they don’t tell you after you’ve been standing behind them.

The new Taco Bell commercial features a bunch of guys really named Ronald McDonald endorsing their new breakfast menu. And one poor slob named Jack Inthebox.

The Philadelphia 76’ers could tie the NBA’s all time losing streak at 26. The Sixers are awful, not Britney Spears on “How I Met Your Mother” awful, but still awful.

Thandom Roughts:

When somebody farts on the plane, I just pick out the person I visually like the least and glare hatred at them until it sears into their ugly face.

The Los Angeles Lakers are awful. Not “From Justin To Kelly” awful, but awful still the same.

P. Diddy announced he is going back to Puff Daddy. Damn, just when I got used to writing P. Diddy on all my checks.

The BuzzFeed quiz as to which BuzzFeed quiz you are turns out to be the BuzzFeed quiz on Which Justin Bieber tattoo are you? 

When the hell is somebody going to get around to doing a hip-hop version of "California Dreaming"?

"Yo, yo, check it. All the leaves are brown . . . "

And finally . . . 

Ohio University is the first college to offer a class on Fellatio. I feel sorry for the film guys who sign up for it who think Fellatio is an Italian filmmaker. On second thought, they may like the class the most.